In a quiet neighborhood of a small rural neighbourhood of Rabwah where a gifted blooming rose plant whispers secrets of the past, Mussawer lived in her seventies. With a frail body and eyes that had seen decades of life’s years, she was a woman of quiet dignity. Yet, as the years went by, Mussawer found herself facing the challenges that often accompany old age – diminished mobility, lapses in memory, and growing choking spells.
In this tale of compassion and tender care, we introduce you to her husband, Dr Nuri, an extraordinary partner and carer who would come to play a pivotal role in Mussawer’s life.
Dr Nuri, her husband, was not just a partner; he was a guiding angel with a heart full of empathy. His sincerity to his expertise was equal that only to that of his innate ability to connect with those in his care in the hospital – the Tahir Heart Institute. It was as if he possessed a unique gift – a genuine touch that could mend not just physical disabilities but also psychological downturns that often creep into the hearts of the disabled.
Dr Nuri was deeply attached to Mussawer since they were married, but now, since the onset of her disability five years ago, she became one of his most cherished partners and patients. Her once–lively home had grown quiet, and she longed for greater empathy. Dr Nuri had a warm smile and an even warmer heart. Every day, he went beyond the call of his duty. He engaged full-time maids to prepare her favourite meals, her love for garden roses, filling the house with oudh aroma of nostalgia. They would sit together, sharing stories, which he did, talking most of the time.
Dr Nuri’s care and comfort extended far beyond the confines of his medical sphere. He brought life back into Mussawer’s home. He decorated his space with garden flowers on the patio, a memorable photograph, reminding her of the beautiful moments in her life; thus transporting her back to her youth.
The profound impact of Dr Nuri’s loving touch on Mussawer’s life was immeasurable. Her body took a form for the better, her eyes sparkled with renewed hope, and her heart filled with joy. Dr Nuri’s case was not just about her progressive disorder; it was about re-charging the soul.
The top priority of Dr Nuri’s thought was to create an ideal environment for Mussawer in their own home. This would offer privacy, comfort, and safety
Dr Nuri, too, found fulfillment in his new role as a caregiver. The bond between them strengthened and brought meaning to their lives. Their connection deepened, strengthened, and transcended beyond a husband and wife relationship.
As she grew even sicker, her clothes began to hang off her. Her PEG tube for feeding showed under her gown.
Sitting in the wheelchair chair she chuckled and said, “Please create an ideal environment for us. I’m sure this will help many in need like me. This would offer privacy comfort, and safety.”
Now, the top priority of Dr Nuri’s thought was to create an ideal environment for Mussawer in their own home. This would offer privacy, comfort, and safety.
So Dr Nuri, as a doctor, husband, and carer, considered and implemented the emotional journey.
Choosing a big enough room with open windows for natural light and fresh air.
In her home, a room with natural light and fresh air was selected. This had a positive impact on physical and mental health, providing a calming and peaceful atmosphere.
Natural light from windows has been scientifically proven to enhance mood and promote better sleep, while fresh air improves air quality.
Investing in a hospital bed.
A hospital bed with an air mattress was selected for her to offer personalised support in view of her limited mobility. It featured an adjustable height system, raised side rails that prevented her from falling off during sleep or restlessness.
Providing lighting. Noise and temperature control.
Proper lighting had improved mood and created a serene atmosphere. Windows had been soundproofed to ensure her comfort.
A comfortable temperature in the room had contributed to her quality of life.
Keeping comfort items nearby.
These items can be anything that brings her a sense of familiarity and comfort, such as a favourite quilt, a comfortable chair, and a few cherished photographs.
Keeping the room clean and tidy.
As a doctor, I ensured that the environment was kept neat and tidy, not only to promote a sense of serenity but also to improve the mood and overall well-being.
She spent a significant amount of time in her room, so it was easy for the room to become cluttered and full of obstacles.
Even during her last days, he found himself squirrelling away her words, all her distinctive expressions: “I love you to death
Decluttering the space minimised the risk of falls, making the room safer and more accessible for carers and guests.
Repairing the bathroom
This entailed some considerations to ensure her safety.
Sufficient lighting had been ensured, especially at night. Grab bars and hand rails had been installed, a shower chair, and a nonslip bath net were provided to ensure additional support and reduce the risk of falls.
Entertainment & Garden Lights
She has a special liking for specific Urdu dramas, which she loved watching on TV. Even during sleep, she kept the TV on and her carers sat closely. Some religious programmes motivated her spiritually. In the adjoining patio, the multi coloured garden lights twinkled during the greater part of the night. This provided an enchanting spectacle.
Wheelchair Stroll
She loved going out for a wheelchair stroll every evening. She adorned her colourful dress with a chequered shawl and strolled out with her carer. This enabled her to connect with nature. Her small beautiful garden, with blooming colourful roses, red, yellow, pink, and crimson. The fragrance was mesmerising.
A little outside the house, on the private road, she strolled through a cluster of overhanging trees, birds chirping and rays of evening sun peeping at dawn.
Pharmacy & Medical Emergency Unit.
Her regular medication was stocked in the cupboard but only dispensed by the trained carer. Her feeding through a PEG tube was taken care of by a separate maid trained in her skill. Periodic advice on nutrition was solicited.
Oxygen cylinder, BIPAP machine, and suction machine were placed in one corner – to be used when required.
But sadly, as Allah so destined, she passed away at home in April, around four in the afternoon. Dr Nuri felt an intense desire to write down the story of her death, to tell it over and over to friends and relatives. He jotted down stray thoughts and memories in the middle of the night.
Even during her last days, he found himself squirrelling away her words, all her distinctive expressions: “I love you to death.”
What had happened still seemed implausible. A partner was present in your entire life, and then one day she disappeared and never came back. It resisted belief. She had been diagnosed with progressive supranuclear palsy five years earlier; I had known she was not going to survive for long. But she challenged her disease, and with implicit faith in Allah and grit, she lived much beyond what neurologists had predicted. Like Orpheus, I could bring the one I sought back from the dead. “Aba, here she is, walking behind me”.
Mussawer had long planted in me the habit of journalling. During earlier days, holding his notebook and sitting puzzled, Dr Nuri asked;
“What do I do with it?” I wanted to know?
“You write down things that happened to you that day, remembering the infinite blessings of God.” She replied.
My children and grandchildren spent an inordinate amount of time with her, not because she was older but because she loved being with kids. She was a bit of a child herself. She was married young, but in some ways never lost the teenager inside her.
The single overarching principle of successful home care is prayer. This is not only important for the patient but equally important for the caregivers. It ought to be remembered that Allah alone is the ultimate Healer and Sustainer of life. Hence, remembrance of Allah played a pivotal role in the care of the elderly.