Marriage. An eight-letter word which encapsulates life in its most potent form. To put it simply, it is an enigma, for the simple reason that (on a lighter note) as the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855) succinctly put it, “Do it or don’t do it, you will regret both.”
The institution of marriage has evolved over centuries, shaped by cultural, economic, religious and social transformations. Starting most probably as informal partnerships in prehistoric hunter-gatherer societies, marriage became more structured as societies settled into agricultural communities. The primary reasons were three: continuity of the bloodline, alliances and inheritance. But still, it was a fluid structure with prevalent polygamy.
It was in the classical era (1200 BCE–500 CE) that marriage shifted towards legal and social status. Monogamy became the norm in Rome. Judaism and Christianity began emphasising the moral and spiritual aspects of marriage. Islam defined marriage as the cornerstone of society and also gave full rights to women. The entire code was ordained and has been followed since by Muslims. However, it was only in the 12th century that the Catholic Church in Europe converted marriage into a sacrament, declaring it to be a monogamous and lifelong contract.
The Industrial Revolution impacted this institution deeply. As women became aware of their rights and joined men in the workforce, marriage drifted towards companionship and personal fulfilment. The ascendancy of the man was over, and slowly it has evolved into a near-equal relationship, with its attendant positives and negatives.
In our society, change has come, albeit slowly. Our grandmothers married around 16 years of age, mothers around 18, sisters around 20, daughters around 22, and now the average age has gone up to 26 or higher. The same is true of men. Generally, the age difference in our grandparents’ times was between 7–10 years, which continued to decrease, and now either both spouses are the same age or a couple of years apart.
Although it needs a very detailed article to encompass this change, because of the paucity of space, focus will be on three aspects which, for parents, are of paramount importance today.
It is still the responsibility of the elders to try their best to help their children, not only at the marriage stage but whenever a problem arises in a marriage, and ensure that divorce only takes place after all avenues have been exhausted
I received a call some months back from a dear friend who wanted to discuss something personal. He is around 63 years old and has served at top positions in Pakistan. He was very worried about his daughters, aged 34 and 30, who were not married. Both girls were educated at Harvard and had settled in the USA. Whenever the subject of marriage came up, his daughters appeared uninterested. He asked me if I knew some suitable families for the marriage of his daughters.
This is happening in a lot of families. Since girls are studying more than boys, the marriage age in Gen-Z is going up. And this is a universal trend. Because of economic pressures, career focus, independence and other factors, the average age of marriage in the USA is hovering around 28–30 for women and 30–32 for men (US Census Bureau and Pew Research). Similarly, a 2023 survey indicated that about 30% of Gen-Z globally see marriage as “optional” rather than essential. The above is also having an impact on childbirth. As women age, the childbirth window reduces. Thus, if a woman marries at the age of 30, the chances of having two children are much less than if she marries at 25.
The second aspect of the marriage puzzle today is economics. In the prevailing economic situation in Pakistan for a number of years, top graduates from top universities of the country have been finding it very difficult to find medium-paying jobs. Even if they get Rs. 150,000 per month, it is just hand-to-mouth survival given the high cost of living in the cities. So, by the time boys and girls reach an average income bracket of Rs. 250,000–400,000, they are around 30 years of age. Thus, marriage for them before achieving financial stability is a very difficult choice to make.
The third aspect is the increasing divorce rate in Pakistan. Marriage is a mix of ups and downs. There is no marriage which is not tested. Men and women, each in their own way, impact this contract. It is not a 2+2 equation, and the blame cannot be apportioned to a single party. To put it simply, it is a compromise if it has to survive, and it evolves over the years, with commonalities outweighing the differences.
In our generation, rightly or wrongly, divorce hardly occurred, and this was reinforced by society as a whole. And to be fair, women paid a higher price than men. However, divorce rates in Gen-Z are rising steadily, reflecting broader societal shifts like urbanisation, women’s empowerment, economic strains, social media, availability of options for both genders, individuality, and a decreasing appetite to compromise, among other reasons. As of 2025, Pakistan’s divorce rate hovers around 0.4–0.6, which is much higher than in India, where it is around 0.1. According to Gallup Pakistan 2025, 21% of Pakistanis report knowing someone who divorced in the last six months. Similarly, it also reported that 48% of Pakistanis believe divorce rates have gone up from 32% a decade ago.
Given the above brief, the question which arises is: what to do? It begs a simple answer because of the complexity of the matter. However, parents need to understand the changed fabric of society and the inter-gender mechanism of Gen-Z. Parents who have a good relationship with their children are in a much better position to guide them towards a happy, successful marriage. Their own marriage would be a mirror image of their children.
Secondly, the time for taboos like caste, status, colour of skin, and age is over. A lot of women in our society have suffered because of the above notions. It is time for parents to guide Gen-Z instead of becoming the problem themselves.
And lastly, it is still the responsibility of the elders to try their best to help their children, not only at the marriage stage but whenever a problem arises in a marriage, and ensure that divorce only takes place after all avenues have been exhausted.
Marriage is the most beautiful institution created by the human race. For parents today, the secret is to understand that Gen-Z and subsequent generations are different from us, and we need to adapt and evolve to ensure that marriage continues to thrive as ordained by our most beloved Prophet (PBUH), who said, “Marriage is part of my Sunnah, and whoever does not follow my Sunnah has nothing to do with me.”