The six-year-old next to me looked lost and disinterested in life. I tried to coax him into doing some work but watched helplessly as the tears wet his cheeks. He looked exhausted and extremely unhappy. For the previous couple of months, he had been burning the midnight oil. He would attend school in the morning and then an academy. The pressure had been relentless and slowly and gradually, he was becoming dysfunctional. It was the last stretch but he was on the verge of a breakdown.
As an educationist who has spent nearly a decade at one of the leading institutions of the country, this is something which had been witnessed multiple times. Six-year-olds during admission exams would suffer a breakdown or have a crying fit when unable to solve the question paper. All those months of hard work would begin to take its toll on their mental and emotional health. Who was at fault? Their parents or the societal pressures that refused to abate? Admission into this extremely prestigious institution would only be the first rung on the ladder.
When will the pressure cease? It never will; it has to be managed. Sometimes, doors close but the individual keeps standing there, waiting for them to open while ignoring all the others which are opening. Time and tide wait for none and the opportunity has to be grabbed when it presents itself.
Social pressures never let up; it is up to the individual to decide how to deal with them. As an educationist, children should be nurtured and allowed to explore their potential. Unfortunately, it is not a win-win situation; parents are walking a tightrope, and maintaining a balance becomes extremely tough at times. As Shakespeare said, sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind and tough love does work but it has to be balanced with compassion. Children do not come with a manual and most parents are merely mimicking their parents’ parenting style and living vicariously through their offspring.
Authoritative and respectful parenting both have their fair share of advocates but in the end, what works is a mix of both
There is no one-size-fits-all approach and it has to be modified as per the needs of each individual. Some children can cope with pressure; others can’t. Does that mean they are failures in life? Will they amount to nothing? This is a question that has no answers like many others in life. Life is never black or white; some might argue that tough love is needed in situations like this while some might not be in favour of subjecting their young children to the kind of pressure that securing admission to a top institution entails. In the end, the parents are the best judge and are only doing the best they can.
The pressure to conform is relentless and implacable. Mental strength and resilience are needed in abundance to deal with social pressures. As long as individuals continue to give in, they will never let up. A conscious decision has to be made to steer clear of it; everything in life comes at a price. The price life exacts at times is too high and sometimes, the mental and emotional well-being of an individual might be too high a price to pay for securing admission to a coveted and prestigious institution.
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? There are never any easy choices in life and nothing is ever in black or white. Most questions have no answers which is something that has to be accepted. Being a parent is like walking a tightrope and as mentioned before, no child comes with a manual. To try or not to try; that is the question. How long should you keep on stretching the elastic band? How long should you keep piling on the pressure?
Children like flowers have to be nurtured and as educationists, the responsibility lies with us to do so. Subjecting a child to extreme pressure and playing with their mental and emotional health is criminal. Is it worth it? Again, no easy answers. Schools should run regular classes on mindfulness and teach children and parents the importance of living in the present. The competition is cut-throat and the social pressures will never let up; not in our lifetimes anyway. In the end, the pros and cons have to be weighed and a decision has to be taken. As mentioned, there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
As educationists, the emotional and mental well-being of our students should be our top priority. Authoritative and respectful parenting both have their fair share of advocates but in the end, what works is a mix of both. Children should be nurtured and parents should not be living vicariously through them. Going to good institutions is important but not at the cost of your mental and emotional health. Remember, childhood trauma manifests itself later in life and it is easier to heal damaged children than problematic adults.