I recently had a bit of an epiphany. OK, a little more than a bit – because in more senses than one, I was beyond blown away.
As a forty-something-year-old single woman who likes to think she has seen most of the world, I lacked any knowledge – whatsoever, about how dating works in "modern" times. I have religiously followed this very cliched mantra to “keep hustling” for the longest time; but how dating rituals in my chaotic city have taken on a whole other dimension, left me reeling. And this, I am stating very mildly.
Growing up in 1990s Karachi, I often feel that things were generally slower and somehow more graceful than today's Karachi. This was when families shared a single land-line corded phone and Pakistan was transitioning from PTV being the main source of entertainment. Dr Zoya and Dr Ahmer's chemistry in Dhoop Kinare was legend of its era and duos like Zara and Zain from Tanhaiyaan, Shehnaz and Gulsher from Alpha Bravo Charlie and Khulfat and Jalees from Aanch were power couples who graced our screens, back in the day. They gave us "the" ultimate couple goals and shaped our visions on how our personal relationships should be.
A little over 20 years down the line, standing in 2025 – we are in the era of dating applications (henceforth: apps) including Tinder, Bumble and Paktor; there is even a Muslim specific app: Muzz. How Muslim it is, is anyone's guess.
Users create profiles with information about themselves, including photos, demographics, interests, and preferences and can then browse profiles of other users and indicate an interest or initiate conversations. To explain, dating apps engage algorithms that analyse user data to identify patterns and "make" matches.
How do these apps work? One downloads an app of choice (these apps have their individual specialties that cater to a diverse range of interests) and pay a subscription fee (premium / gold memberships, as an example). Having created an account s/he curates a personalised profile that via algorithm matches them with other individuals with similar interests and characteristics.
User Data: including demographics, stated preferences, personality tests, how the app is used (swiping choices, messaging patterns), and data from connected social media profiles.
Machine Learning: uses machine learning algorithms that continually monitor and learn from user data to refine their matchmaking.
The whole thing makes me feel like a fish out of water – because "matches" in my generation were made organically through common friends, family and forums such as schools, universities or such.
But change is the only constant so one must accordingly keep up. Right? Hence, attempting to gain insights into this decidedly "new" phenomenon: I asked around, and observed modern dating rituals very, very keenly! And if asked to share my insights, I would say:
"My discoveries are truly fascinating."
Given that I grew up in more "traditional" times, I quickly realised that dating in today’s world is fast, fluid, and fun. And in 2025 when everyone’s smartwatches are pinging away, I am genuinely wondering if people really have the time?
Where I currently live in, society is still fairly conservative; yet these apps are surprisingly popular. The fact that one can ‘choose’ the ‘type’ of people they desire as potential mates comes off like a dystopian idea; but it is as real as it gets.
And this is where the plot thickens. Swipe right and you might just meet the one, or swipe left if you don’t like what you see. Alternatively, you can check or cross it – to the same effect. Sounds so harmless and fun, right?
Apparently, it’s not as simple as it seems.
A friend who is a regular on Tinder laments that people are often not honest about themselves. “It’s crushing when someone turns out to be very different from what you originally gloss over and accordingly build your expectations. It’s such a turn off."
Somebody from work shared the most epic experience she had on Muzz – in Karachi, Pakistan. "I went out with this guy who took me sun-gazing on our first date at French Beach. What’s sun-gazing, you ask? Well, apparently if you stare at the sun for a few seconds at a certain time of the day – every day, you’ll eventually be able to become vampish and won’t have to eat food anymore. Afterwards, I dropped him off at his work (he was a cashier at a McDonald's franchise on the way) and vowed to never see him again. Later the same day, he called me saying he left his car keys in my car and requested I bring them to bring them to him. Did I mention he didn't have a car? Needless to say, we totally boned and I decided to never see him again. Never."
Tinder Swindler, that very popular show from Netflix, taught us all that nothing is what it seems – in the murky world of online dating. Proceeding with caution is basic – because, in all honesty, when it comes to matters of heart we rarely think with our heads – if at all. It's worse, when money is involved.
Another friend met a wonderful girl on one such dating site and fell in love with her. It was apparently both sided; focus, please, on the apparently. He proposed to her with a 1.0-carat diamond ring, alongside his mother’s heirloom jewels. Very, very soon after, his fiancé vanished into thin air – quite literally, taking the gifts with her. He later learned that she’s a professional con artist after going to the police thinking she was in grave danger.
These are extreme circumstances; other users (like myself) are majorly disgruntled with these apps. Common complaints include running into people who are only looking for casual relationships and not intending to go for long-term commitments. Some people get taken for a ride and so on. Someone I know ran into her (otherwise seemingly happily) married boss on Muzz. This person was obviously beyond scandalised and quite traumatised.
Point is, though, dating apps are not all abysmal. I do know of success stories where people ended up getting married after meeting on apps. A rare occurrence, but not entirely impossible.
Stakes are very high on this medium, but here comes the million-dollar question:
How far does one go for love?