While it is very easy for parents and society, in general, to repeat the patterns and walk on the precedent. One of the most cherished nostalgic statements ‘Our parents used to control us in any way they liked why can’t contemporary parents do the same’ swirls around a lot. It makes me wonder, is that all parenting about? Demeaning a child to a thing or an object to be controlled. We have talked about objectification of the women or the suppressed races, is it possible that this is an era of ‘objectification of the alpha generation’ just because they are different? Now let’s dive into a question what is objectification? And how it worked in the case of women and oppressed races. Does it work when you generalise the whole community of women or a particular race to fixed attributes? For example, they are weak and fickle; they are big and brutes; they need to be protected; they need to be civilised; they are naïve and have to be told the right conduct throughout their lives; they are illiterates and need to be given only menial jobs; they are the pretty, best choice to sell fridges and shaving creams; they are ugly period.
Some of us might raise our eyebrows over the stretch of the analogy i.e. objectification of the children in the present era. While a general attitude of concern towards the youngest generation has always remained throughout the ages, it has gained its most intense and abject form now. I don’t attempt to draw conclusions here, it is not what is my objective in this article. I will only raise a few facts and possible alternative attitudes and leave it up to the reader to decide how relevant and how far the allegation of objectification of children is.
Belittling them to the title ‘Gen Z’ or ‘Gen Alpha’ is quite interesting when we consider the fact that we were called millennials while growing up back in the 90s. Gen Z or Gen Alpha is not a human child but a very generic image of an object-like child who watches the screen at his own discretion. Who plays online games most of the day or makes tiktoks and shorts all day long? Who is too lazy to communicate with elders? Who is an abrasive and cheeky little creature without regard for social, ethical, human, and humane values? Who follows fads be it making trending reels on train tracks or forgotten songs, or tasting vapes and sheesha?
It is time to come out of the 90s nostalgic idealism and approach the problem, if it exists, from a fresh angle based on the parenting techniques that worked more than ‘thappar’
Believing that the solution to the whole upsetting situation lies in ‘Thapar’ presumably because millennials were raised on ‘Thapar’ alone. As if there were no role of Daddi or Nanni telling anecdotes like ‘Shaikchilli k Qissay’ or even ‘Arabian Nights’ weren’t read to teach ethical and moral values. As if accepted behaviors and the children with accepted behavior were never appreciated openly. As if board games and street games never had any role to play.
Believing that this disarrayed generation is incorrigible and can’t be helped. Because they are robots and are feeling less. Just like robots (brutes and naive), they don’t understand any language, empathy, or individual attention. They need to be revamped or rebooted by a sneer, frown or even stare, in short anything but ‘talk’. Because in order to have a ‘talk’ there should be a human on the other side. And ‘talk’ requires counter argument or at least a defense but unfortunately ‘objects’ don’t have a language, feelings, or thoughts to communicate; therefore, a frown, sneering remark, or ‘thappar’ is the only available option.
There are plenty of other generalisations that make us look at children as objects or things that need to be fixed. But the main issue is if ‘fixing’ has ever helped us before in the case of women or oppressed races. Furthermore, it’s the women, oppressed race, or the children who need to be fixed or the sexist, colonial, or idealistic attitude. Yes, expecting children to behave like 90s kids is idealistic and therefore, impossible. It is time to come out of the 90s nostalgic idealism and approach the problem, if it exists, from a fresh angle based on the parenting techniques that worked more than ‘thappar’.
Creating an amiable environment in the home where children feel welcome to talk about their concerns and apprehensions no matter how petty and insignificant they are for elders. We, the elders never had to worry about having 100 or more likes and comments but these children are rightly conscious especially when their social media informs them ‘reach decreased 800% than the last week’ or when their friends get more ‘likes’ for a post or a selfie than they themselves. A typical reply ‘This is just rubbish, focus on your studies’ or ‘We never had to worry about such useless things in our childhood’ is not going to help the child. Rather, he will never express his concern in front of his elders and would burn in his own apprehensions and self-negative thoughts.
While random pieces of advice might not be helpful, listening to the aforementioned concern and making the child feel that his concern is genuine but related to an inconsequential thing would work. You might have to come up with convincing replies for all the raised questions, but an empathetic and thoughtful tone and voice will create an added impact. This brings to other pertinent techniques to boost self-value in children i.e. setting achievable goals.
An individualistic and practical approach to deal with contemporary issues which have engulfed not only the parents but also the children equally will help build a healthy connection between two fall apart generations
Setting achievable goals for your children which have frequent and obvious outcomes is very important. Just like winning or losing online games influences them a great deal, achieving realistic goals also goes a long way to divert attention from merely winning online games to bettering themselves in the real world. Instead of setting a distant and idealistic goal to become a doctor, engineer, or pilot, ask them to focus on near-realistic targets i.e. classroom performance. The performance shouldn’t be restricted to getting A+ grades on class tests but rather participation in class discussions by answering or asking questions or even listening to the lecture and making notes. Keeping a visual log of achieved goals i.e. a chart in the room with a to-do list and ticks on achieved goals is more impactful. However, it is equally recommended to make them understand that getting an expected score or achieving the target isn’t important as the results especially in the case of competition are never in our hands. Therefore, putting in an honest effort is what matters the most. It is the effort to do the best to grow them more than achieving an ideal grade.
Giving your children options to choose from also has a great role in making them develop self-worth. When we think about parenting, control is the image that immediately pops up in our minds. If you focus on controlling the child like an object or a thing, it will result in devastation both for you and your child. This is not to say that children should be set loose on unbridled freedom i.e. another extreme. Now the question is how to create a perfect balance. It could be achieved by simply giving your children a set of options that you deem fit. Instead of dictating to your children to go for the only available choice, give them 3 to 4 available options to choose from. It will help them develop decision-making skills by choosing better options every time.
Last but not least focus on the skill development of your children. Skill development has become quite a thing these days. If your child exhibits interest in sketching action figures, painting Buda fruits, reading manga, creating shorts on Canva, playing building games like Minecraft, or even creating content on YouTube or any other social media platforms, encourage them. It is not expected of them to focus merely on formal education, where the practical world where they are going to end will require them to be dynamic in their fields. The skill development will help them hone skills relevant to their main interest area or future professional role implicitly or explicitly.
Hence, an individualistic and practical approach to deal with contemporary issues which have engulfed not only the parents but also the children equally will help build a healthy connection between two fall apart generations. Objectification and stereotyping only belittles a community, yes the children, no matter how helpless and dependent they are, have been pushed to seclusion as a community of objects.