I had never thought about going for Hajj before, it had never occurred to me. Though I had been desperately trying to go for Umrah for more than 10 years, but was lacking courage to go by myself.
And then I applied to go for Hajj this year, 2025!
On Sunday, April 13th, 2:00 a.m., everything seemed to click.
I applied without any second thoughts. The courage that was lacking to go for Umrah by myself, had suddenly found me, unflinching, strong, firm, unwavering, resolute.
With my mind made up, I applied to go by myself with a tour group.
My spiritual retreat, my time with Allah, my moment to beg for forgiveness, ask humbly, pray, shed many tears, beg, beg, beg, prostrate. It suddenly became real. The jigsaw puzzle fell into place. The mosaic was taking shape. Everything seemed to work like a synchronised song.
I flew to Los Angeles, applied for my Pakistani passport, got my vaccination, was added to the tour group successfully, got my fingerprinting done, which took days for many because of bugs and glitches in the Indian software, but happened in minutes for me. I, of course, read that as a sign. I got my hajj wardrobe organised, the time seemed to work well with my youngest out of school with finals wrapped up. My support system cheered me on, my husband booked me the best flights, best hotels in multiple transit overnights (all the extras that were not a part of the package).
Common sense and history dictates that the visa portal handling should only be done by the people who hold the same faith as the ones entering the holy cities of Makkah and Madinah
It seemed like a go, go, go.
Now all I had to do was wait a few days to get my Hajj visa, which is never an issue if the quota is there.
`No worries, since you are going on your Pakistani passport, there is a substantial quota remaining. ’
Since I had applied late and missed the date for the first visa submission, I was to be in the second round of visas that were to be submitted through the tour company under my Pakistani passport.
Apparently, there was a delay in payments from the private tour companies from Pakistan. This is how the official story goes, which is correct to an extent, but leaves out a big detail: the Indian company handling it. The tour companies insist that the software kept crashing. Regardless, the visa portal will open again. It always opens. For the past twenty-five years, it hasn’t happened that people are denied the right to Hajj if the quota is there.’ Especially Pakistanis, we are never denied arbitrarily! Guess what, it’s different this time.
I’m still waiting.
I’m booked to go and will wait until the 23rd of May to get the visa, and for the visa portal to open. It’s now at an 80/20, the 20% being the operative number and fast dwindling to zero.
I truly enjoy my faith. It’s a job I take very seriously, albeit very enjoyably and `funly’ too.
While thinking about this moment, I couldn’t help but think of the Prophet (PBUH). He was turned away by the Idolaters the first time he went for Umrah from Madinah. He didn’t lose heart at all, he said it was a win. The idolaters made him wait outside the city by the wells of Hudaibiya, and then, after making him wait, sent him back without letting him enter the city of Makkah.
Common sense and history dictates that the visa portal handling should only be done by the people who hold the same faith as the ones entering the holy cities of Makkah and Madinah. But then who’s asking me?
I’m still hoping to go.
Desperately wanted to see the Kaaba.
If it doesn’t happen this year, I have to say that the courage to do this on my own has opened a pathway in my brain that could only have opened by my applying, preparing, waiting, waiting, waiting, and now to the actual point of tawakkal of Allah Maalik.
Thank you Allah for making me take this preparation and anticipation journey, and even if I’m not to do sajda at the Kaaba this time, I have understood the lesson you needed me to.
I couldn’t have understood it without the happenings of the last month. Thank you for allowing me the ability to apply.
To my fellow sixty-seven thousand, there’s always next year, or the year after. May Allah, the Best Planner, open the doors for us when the time is right.