I’m thinking of remarrying but I want a girl who likes long, romantic walks – because I don’t have a car. At least, all my cars are borrowed. The thought of remarrying swirled around my cerebral vortex on the occasion of International Women’s Day. Please note that this day is only for International Women, not for National Women, in case Pakistani birds get the wrong idea. On March 8, I was in Peshawar addressing something or the other when I declared, “Women’s Day doesn’t mean we should copy the West”. Having said that, I was rendered speechless because where was I going to get another unique and brilliant idea like that?
The secret service wing of my party is the CIA, Central Intercourse Agency, which specializes in uncovering the extra-curricula activities of everyone (except me). Two days ago the CIA told me that the kofta in London had copped it. Then the CIA made a correction. “Sorry Khan Sahab”, they said, “he’s in his usual high spirits”. I wonder what they meant.
I hope you’ve noticed the shenanigans of that Mustafa Kamal who’s come back to replace the Kofta of Karachi. Earlier, I had been earmarked to replace the K of K but the generals have given up on me. And now that we’re on the topic, I resent General Bobby for having hijacked the “Hero of Pakistan” title from me. I mean since when have COAS’ been concerned about doing the right thing, cleaning up the mess of the past, breaking with poisonous legacies, and fighting terrorists? For heaven’s sake, he should be indulging in the usual worthy pursuits of coup making, stringing up prime ministers, knocking off political leaders, siphoning billions in land scams and arms deals, building bombs, nurturing terrorists and other hobbies. I’m SO disappointed.
I’m also disappointed in all those who are desecrating the memory of that other hero of mine, Jimmy Saville. They say he was involved in some pedicure case, and that he was a pedicurist because he was groping girls in the BBC. This is a lie because in all my years as an international celebrity, I’ve never seen anyone remotely grope-worthy in the BBC.
The secret service wing of my party is the CIA, Central Intercourse Agency, which specializes in uncovering the extra-curricula activities of everyone (except me). Two days ago the CIA told me that the kofta in London had copped it. Then the CIA made a correction. “Sorry Khan Sahab”, they said, “he’s in his usual high spirits”. I wonder what they meant.
I hope you’ve noticed the shenanigans of that Mustafa Kamal who’s come back to replace the Kofta of Karachi. Earlier, I had been earmarked to replace the K of K but the generals have given up on me. And now that we’re on the topic, I resent General Bobby for having hijacked the “Hero of Pakistan” title from me. I mean since when have COAS’ been concerned about doing the right thing, cleaning up the mess of the past, breaking with poisonous legacies, and fighting terrorists? For heaven’s sake, he should be indulging in the usual worthy pursuits of coup making, stringing up prime ministers, knocking off political leaders, siphoning billions in land scams and arms deals, building bombs, nurturing terrorists and other hobbies. I’m SO disappointed.
I’m also disappointed in all those who are desecrating the memory of that other hero of mine, Jimmy Saville. They say he was involved in some pedicure case, and that he was a pedicurist because he was groping girls in the BBC. This is a lie because in all my years as an international celebrity, I’ve never seen anyone remotely grope-worthy in the BBC.
Im the Dim