Kya bataoon? My tension has grown so much that my nerves have exploded. Why? Haw, didn’t you see the Gulzar wedding? Tell me, from now on who can get away with just a month-long wedding? Everyone will think you are kanjoos or even worst, bhookha nanga if you don’t spend at least thirty crores, or have main function at home. Only total losers or the poors get married in their own homes now. Otherwise anyone who’s anyone has a destination wedding. And not in bore Thighland or Bali – bean there, dung that – but in some glam si costly place like Europe or something. London tau khair is so phitta hua, it’s out of question. So, I asked my baby Kulchoo because he’s so knowledgeable – just like his booky father.
‘Kulch, darling, can you think of a place no one has been to yet?’
‘Mmm, Proxima Centauri?’
‘Hai sounds so exotic. Where’s that?’
‘It’s a planet in a neighbouring solar system.’
‘Crack! I mean here on earth only.’
‘Antartica? Waziristan? The Empty Quarter?’
First two suggestions tau I ignored. ‘Empty Quarter? Isn’t that where you’d keep your driver’s family?’
‘No Ma,’ he rolled his eyes. ‘It’s called the Rub al Khali – a legendary place in the Arabian Peninsula.’
‘Like Arabian Nights?’ I cried with joy. ‘Hai, chalo theme bhi mil gayee. Instead of Disney Princess we could do Alif Laila. The wedding could go on for 1001 nights. And everyone could come dressed as dancing girls, Aladin and djinns …’
‘What in God’s name are you going on about?’ asked Kulchoo.
‘Your wedding shweetoo, what else?’
‘I’m seventeen Ma. And just for the record I’d rather die than have a themed wedding in some ghastly place. What kind of jerk do you take me for?’
‘Now don’t be like that!’ I snapped.
‘Like what?’
‘Like your bore father. Obssessed with Miaow and Linen vaghera – those sarrhial types who won’t let you travel First Class or wear designer. Now I have to quickly book the Empty Quarter before someone else finds out and does my copy.’
‘Kulch, darling, can you think of a place no one has been to yet?’
‘Mmm, Proxima Centauri?’
‘Hai sounds so exotic. Where’s that?’
‘It’s a planet in a neighbouring solar system.’
‘Crack! I mean here on earth only.’
‘Antartica? Waziristan? The Empty Quarter?’
First two suggestions tau I ignored. ‘Empty Quarter? Isn’t that where you’d keep your driver’s family?’
‘No Ma,’ he rolled his eyes. ‘It’s called the Rub al Khali – a legendary place in the Arabian Peninsula.’
‘Like Arabian Nights?’ I cried with joy. ‘Hai, chalo theme bhi mil gayee. Instead of Disney Princess we could do Alif Laila. The wedding could go on for 1001 nights. And everyone could come dressed as dancing girls, Aladin and djinns …’
‘What in God’s name are you going on about?’ asked Kulchoo.
‘Your wedding shweetoo, what else?’
‘I’m seventeen Ma. And just for the record I’d rather die than have a themed wedding in some ghastly place. What kind of jerk do you take me for?’
‘Now don’t be like that!’ I snapped.
‘Like what?’
‘Like your bore father. Obssessed with Miaow and Linen vaghera – those sarrhial types who won’t let you travel First Class or wear designer. Now I have to quickly book the Empty Quarter before someone else finds out and does my copy.’