It’s the kids’ winter holiday and I’m stuck here in the Land of the Pure when all I want to do is get away to England, stay with Lady Annabel, my ex ma-in-law, bond with the boys, and get a healthy dose of the nightlife. Not happening any time soon, sadly.
But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about it, as in last night. So I step off a PIA plane and arrive at the immigration counter. “Hello Sir, did you just fly in?” asked the man at the counter. “No” I said, “I floated in on a magic carpet!” He gave me SUCH a look and grudgingly stamped my passport. At arrivals, I was met by a stunning blonde who took my arm and guided me to a waiting limousine. “What’s your name?” I asked her. “Carmen” she said. “Wonderful”, I said, “your two most favourite things, I hope, cars and men”. She gave me SUCH a look and told the chauffeur to step on it. I wonder why.
Lady Annabel was her usual gracious self. Since it was time for dinner, we sat at table and the soup was served. “What soup is this?” I asked the butler. “I think it’s bean soup, sir”. SO irritating! “I don’t care what it’s been. I want to know what it is now”. The butler and Lady Annabel gave me SUCH a look. I wonder why.
Right then the boys came in, making faces at each other. Their granny reprimanded them gently, “Now look, boys, when I was a little girl, and I pulled ugly faces at my friends, my teacher told me it would freeze and I’d stay like that”. “Well” I said, “you can’t say you weren’t warned”. Another dirty look. I wonder why.
After a long silence, Lady Annabel tried to make conversation. “So. Is it nice to be in Britain, Im Ran? What do you most miss about the British way of life?” “Being British” I said, “is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer. Then going home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV!”
But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about it, as in last night. So I step off a PIA plane and arrive at the immigration counter. “Hello Sir, did you just fly in?” asked the man at the counter. “No” I said, “I floated in on a magic carpet!” He gave me SUCH a look and grudgingly stamped my passport. At arrivals, I was met by a stunning blonde who took my arm and guided me to a waiting limousine. “What’s your name?” I asked her. “Carmen” she said. “Wonderful”, I said, “your two most favourite things, I hope, cars and men”. She gave me SUCH a look and told the chauffeur to step on it. I wonder why.
Lady Annabel was her usual gracious self. Since it was time for dinner, we sat at table and the soup was served. “What soup is this?” I asked the butler. “I think it’s bean soup, sir”. SO irritating! “I don’t care what it’s been. I want to know what it is now”. The butler and Lady Annabel gave me SUCH a look. I wonder why.
Right then the boys came in, making faces at each other. Their granny reprimanded them gently, “Now look, boys, when I was a little girl, and I pulled ugly faces at my friends, my teacher told me it would freeze and I’d stay like that”. “Well” I said, “you can’t say you weren’t warned”. Another dirty look. I wonder why.
After a long silence, Lady Annabel tried to make conversation. “So. Is it nice to be in Britain, Im Ran? What do you most miss about the British way of life?” “Being British” I said, “is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer. Then going home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV!”
Im the Dim