Lady Museebath is fed up with society and people in general. Don’t expect sympathy but only the kind of advice no one will give you in real life!
Q1. Lady Museebath, I’ve got a friend who keeps dropping in my parties. He’s a nice person but the problem is he looks like a horse. This means not many women give him attention because well, he looks like a horse, and he ends up being a burden because I have to entertain him. Now I’ve got a summer soiree coming up and I don’t want to not invite him but I don’t want him to mope around either. What do I do?
Oh for God’s sake! With a frenemy like you, you might as well go completely over to the dark side. Here’s what you do – stand by the door and greet everyone with a ‘how are you’, ‘how are you’, ‘and how are you’ and when he comes just ask him: ‘why the long face?’
Q2. Lady Museebath, one my friends is a lovely person. She’s educated, has a fantastic career, immensely popular and very wealthy. Problem is she hates her nose – you see it starts from the middle of her forehead and droops in a crooked way down towards her upper lip. Recently someone told her to get cosmetic surgery and she’s not sure. I’d like to get her a present to cheer her up. What should I get her?
Buy her a bottle of her favourite perfume and tell her, no matter what, she’s got a great sense of smell.
Q3. Lady Museebath, I want to throw a Harry Potter themed birthday party for my son. He loves Harry Potter and wants to dress up like him as well. But my mother in law thinks all this jinn and ghost stuff is too frightening. What do I do?
Honestly I don’t understand you lot. All mother in laws want is to be a part of the festivities and have a role to play. If she’s taking a birthday party so personally you need to ensure she’s the centre piece. Stick her face on the door and title it ‘Welcome to Harry Potter’s Night Mare’.
Q4. Lady Museebath, I heard the strangest story the other day. A colleague was telling me how one night he was sitting in his verandah and lo and behold! A beautiful, female figure came dressed in all white and beckoned him to her. He couldn’t believe his luck. Apparently she looked like an angel. We have asked him if we can meet her… but as per him she never came back. What do you make of this?
Poor man got ghosted and this is the best yarn he could come up with?