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Howzzat

TFT by TFT
August 6, 2021
in Features
Howzzat
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I’m going to give it one more try. If he doesn’t respond, I’m going to sanction Joe Biden and the USA. Rrrring, rrring.

White House Switchboard: You’ve reached The White House. If you know your desired extension, dial it now. Or wait for the operator’s assistance.

Rrrring. Rrrring.

Operator: How can I help you?

Me: Please put me through to President Joe Biden.

Operator: Who’s calling?

Me: What do you mean who’s calling? I’m the strongman of Pakista –

Operator: Hold it right there! I know who you are! You’re that baseball guy, right, kinda Babe Ruth fame, right?

Me: You moron, it’s cricket, not baseball! And which babe? Tell me about the babe, man.

Operator: Yeah, I know all about you and the babes. You’re the guy who says it’s normal for men to rape women who dress the way they want to, right?

Me: That’s not exactly what I sa –

Operator: Wait a minute! I’ve just remembered! You’re the guy who says Osama bin Laden is a martyr, right?

Me: Well, I mean, it depends upon your perspecti –

Operator: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s all coming back to me. You’re the guys who got 20 billion dollars of American tax payers money between 2002 and 2012 in military and economic aid, to fight the war on terror, which you never did, right?

Me: That was way before my time. I had nothing to d –

Operator: You had nothing to do with it? Weren’t you the guy who was always doing sit-ins against our drone strikes on Al Qaeda?

Me: In a manner of speaking but –

Operator: And correct me if I’m wrong, you’re the guys who sacked your own ambassador for supporting the Biden-Kerry-Lugar Bill which wanted to cut down the military’s power, right?

Me: Um ah er.

Operator: Who did you say you wanted to talk to?

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Me: Oh forget it.

Im the Dim

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The Friday Times is Pakistan’s first independent weekly, founded in 1989. In 2021, the publication went into collaboration with digital news platform Naya Daur Media to publish under a daily cycle.


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