Uff! Don’t even ask with what difficulty I got Mummy to have her Covid ka ejection. She’d got it into her head, I don’t know from where, that these Sino Forms wallay ejections are fakes. “Darling, everyone knows Made in China means do number maal,” she said, “I don’t even buy Made in China wallets so why would I get Made in China ejection? I’ll wait until the gora ejections come, because say what you like about goras but they have moral coats. Now look how nicely they’ve kept the Koh-i-Noor diamond. Majaal hai kay some General in England can steal it for his daughter’s jahez”. “No Mummy he can’t”, I said, “because it’s already stolen property. They stole it from us in case you’ve forgotten. Now put on your Made in China chappals araam say and come with me in my Made in China car for your Made in China jab.”
I think so Mummy was a little bit disappointed with how smoothly everything went. She got her jab and was home in half an hour with no reaction, no nothing.
So this morning when Mummy’s maid called me at 7am to say kay Mummy had had a terrible “raction” mein tau ussi waqt shock main chali gayee. “Mujhay lagta hai Bari Begum Saab ko teeka larh gya hai”, the maid said. Apparently she’d spent all night doing potties. When I got there Mummy was lying in her bed looking like a murda. “I told you,” she said in a shaky si thin si voice, “kay these ejections are do number”. Feeling so guilty I went to the kitchen to get her ORS where her cook whispered that as soon as Mummy’d returned from her jab she’d eaten a hauz full of channas crinkled all over with weapons grade chaat masala and mirchees. So I marched into her bedroom and I said, “Mummy! If I’d eaten an atom bomb I’d also be doing potties all night, okay? Giving me guilt drips when all this time you knew exactly what’s wrong with you. Honestly if anyone is do number it’s you!!”