Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them.

Nuggets from the Urdu press

“Not stinky enough!”


According to Daily Dunya (31 July 2017), Indian police officials found that a stink bomb produced in Israel for use against protesters had proved to be ineffective. The report quoted a police official as speculating that perhaps Indians have a higher tolerance for bad smells, and that this was the reason that the Israeli device was not effective.


PTI’s celebrations


JUI-F leader Senator Maulana Atta-ur-Rehman was quoted by Daily Dunya (31 July 2017) as saying that no decisions in the country are made without the approval of the Establishment, and that the Panama verdict was not reassuring. He went on to say that the PTI’s celebrations were fun and games (ucchal kood) and asked what they would do if a similar decision were announced against them.


“It was actually me!”


It was reported by Daily Dunya (31 July 2017) that Sheikh Rasheed claimed it was he, Gohar Ayub and Zafar-ul-Haq who were responsible for the Pakistani nuclear weapons tests, and that Nawaz Sharif was a cowardly man.


Siraj-ul-Haq – in a Ghaznavid mood?


The leader of the Jamaat-e-Islami, Siraj-ul-Haq, was quoted by Daily Jang (31 July 2017) as saying that today there is talk of how difficult it is to implement articles 62 and 63, tomorrow they might say it is difficult to be a Muslim. He went on to say that the disqualification of Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif was the first attack on the Somnath of corruption in the country.


“Did we ask you to message her?”


Minister of State for Information and Broadcasting Marriyum Aurangzeb, according to Daily Nawa-i-Waqt (03 August 2017), stated that the issue of Ayesha Gulalai was an internal matter of the PTI, and that it ought to be investigated. She went on to ask whether it was the PML-N had advised PTI chief Imran Khan to send her a message. She expressed her view that this was the result of the PTI’s own politics.


A vindication of dictatorship?


Daily Nawa-i-Waqt (04 August 2017) quoted former president General (retd.) Pervez Musharraf as saying that the Pakistani people were not concerned with dictatorship or democracy – they only care about the progress and prosperity of the country. He went on to state that the military always brings the country back on track, but civilians derail it.


Coming clean


The PML-N’s Hanif Abbasi, referring to Imran Khan, asked what would happen if Reham Khan wrote a book. According to Daily Express (04 August 2017), he advised the PTI leader to present his Blackberry before the nation and seek its forgiveness.


Tarzan’s return


Daily Express (05 August 2017) reported that the Minister for Climate Change Mushahidullah Khan described himself as Tarzan. According to the report, he claimed that now that he, as Tarzan, was back, he would deal with all problems.


Colours of horror


According to Daily Express (06 August 2017), the Punjab Food Authority raided a factory that was using cheap textile colours in the place of food colouring.


Reaching out to India?


PTI chief Imran Khan stated that Nawaz Sharif’s political life was taking its last breaths. According to Daily Nawa-i-Waqt (06 August 2017), he went on to claim that Nawaz Sharif would seek Indian help to preserve his wealth.


Tahir-ul-Qadri on political corpses


Tahir-ul-Qadri was quoted by Daily Express (06 August 2017) as asking how long the PML-N would continue to carry the political corpse of their leader on their shoulders. He advised them to bury the corpse soon.


Dasti’s potent curses


It was reported by Daily Express (06 August 2017) that the leader of the Awami Raj Party, Jamshed Dasti, claimed that it was his curse that caused Nawaz Sharif to be disqualified – and that now he would also go to jail.