With the dharnas having failed, my only hope now is a ringing verdict against Nawaz Sharif from the Supreme Court. Every night, I dream of my press conference following Nawaz’s disqualification. “Friends, Romantics, Countrymen, this is your captain speaking. We are flying on Naya PIA, towards Naya Pakistan at an altitude of God-knows-what, heading for God-knows-where. We will reach our final destination in approx 1400 light years. Please fasten your seat belts because there may be some flatulence on the way given the windbag that is your captain. When the oxygen mask drops down, put it to your mouth and nose and smoke but don’t inhale. Under your seats, I have stashed away further safety instructions entitled IKK (In Kase Killed) for your benefit in the Hereafter.
“I know that you are all delighted with me for showing you the right path while smoothly driving up the wrong one. My greatest achievement is the integration of FATA with Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa and the prolific cultivation of what will become the province’s largest cash crop Jointus Smokera.
“You are all cordially invited to my coronation day after tomorrow when I will be bathed in milk and weighed against the GEO-Jang Group and the GEO-Jang Group will then be chopped up (halal) and distributed amongst the poor.
“I’ve tried my best to sabotage the PSL Final in Lahore and all of you who are lining up to see the match are pathetic native scum for whom I have nothing but contempt like any self-respecting 19th century colonialist in charge of a very large colon. I have said it before and I will say it again, the Taliban are my friends in their unreformed primitive tribality and uncut gemness.
“Naya Pakistan is going to be like the Swedish welfare state which was first set up by 8th century Arabs. This notion is a result of the historical blender in my head pulverizing facts and fiction from 7th century Arabia, the Jurassic Age, colonial Britain, Aitchison College and Walt Disney. To clear all confusion, I am making it compulsory for everyone to read the Communist Manifesto by Ivanka Trump and Asad Umar.”
“I know that you are all delighted with me for showing you the right path while smoothly driving up the wrong one. My greatest achievement is the integration of FATA with Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa and the prolific cultivation of what will become the province’s largest cash crop Jointus Smokera.
“You are all cordially invited to my coronation day after tomorrow when I will be bathed in milk and weighed against the GEO-Jang Group and the GEO-Jang Group will then be chopped up (halal) and distributed amongst the poor.
“I’ve tried my best to sabotage the PSL Final in Lahore and all of you who are lining up to see the match are pathetic native scum for whom I have nothing but contempt like any self-respecting 19th century colonialist in charge of a very large colon. I have said it before and I will say it again, the Taliban are my friends in their unreformed primitive tribality and uncut gemness.
“Naya Pakistan is going to be like the Swedish welfare state which was first set up by 8th century Arabs. This notion is a result of the historical blender in my head pulverizing facts and fiction from 7th century Arabia, the Jurassic Age, colonial Britain, Aitchison College and Walt Disney. To clear all confusion, I am making it compulsory for everyone to read the Communist Manifesto by Ivanka Trump and Asad Umar.”
Im the Dim