You know, as I watched Kate McKinnon, dressed impeccably as Hillary Clinton in a white pantsuit, singing Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ on the Saturday Night Live stage this week, I felt my heart break a little *cryface*. I never knew the music of Leonard Cohen – well, apart from this heartbreaking classic, of course – but I could sense the loss of a great voice that had captivated many in its prime. Similarly, I had never known the politics of Hillary Clinton too well (I do now, but I never really actively followed her work in the past), but again, I could feel the loss of a great voice that could have potentially changed the dynamic of world politics. I know, all this is way too emo for my style (I like to be tough), but it really has changed the way I view a country that was my home for six years of my young and fabulous existence. Perhaps it would be more fitting for Kate McKinnon to have performed a live rendition of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ by the Baha Men (remember this gem of a song?). Pantsuit nation is dead and America is a great big jerk once again.
I always felt safe in America, probably because Barack Obama was elected President a few months after I moved there for my studies in 2008. The streaking freaked me out, yes, but people actually started to pronounce my name right (‘Zah-Rah’ instead of the super annoying ‘Zeh-Rah’). Everywhere I went, people told me I was pretty and Amazonian (the racism was the good kind). Now, I’m sure those people are still there – after all, I never really ventured past the east and west coasts of America and those states are still blue to the core – but the haterz now have a license to shoot, and I know my friends back in the States are feeling the brunt of their spite. I mean, did you go through the various acts of racism, sexism and xenophobia that took place immediately after Trump was elected? Heck, I’m sick of hearing these three words just as much as I’m sick of hearing “Sorry” by Justin Bieber (it’s a nice song but only for the first few plays, you know?). But I have a feeling that no matter how much we wish them away, they are going to play on repeat for the next four years, at least.
“Anyway, Trump is a total a******, trust me, you’ll love him!”
“Hey Steph!” I called out to my roommate, who was lying on her bed browsing through her Netflix account. “What’s a good TV show to binge watch? I want to celebrate the end of my first midterms by lying in bed all week and watching TV.”
“I’ve been watching The Apprentice lately…but it’s not on Netflix. You’ll have to stream it through that website I showed you. Have you seen it?”
“No, what’s it about?”
“Oh my god – am I just about to introduce you to Donald Trump?” Stephanie shrieked in excitement.
“You know, I sort of know who he is – like, I’ve heard his name and all – but I’m not really sure what exactly he does, ” I replied, getting worked up myself.
“Oh my god, okay. So, The Apprentice is this reality show where these people compete for the best job in the world, and Donald Trump is the guy they’ll be working for. He’s this super-rich, super-mean guy who puts them through insane challenges and fires them off one by one until he finds, well, his apprentice. I’ll take you to the Trump Tower next time we visit New York – word on the street is that he lives on the top floor and everything is made of gold. Anyway, Trump is a total a******, trust me, you’ll love him!”
Have you guys heard of the single bullet theory? Basically, during its investigation of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination, the Warren Commission proposed that a single bullet, shot through President Kennedy’s neck, made it’s way to Governor Connelly’s chest and wrist, and finally escaped out of the Governor’s thigh. Crime fiction novelist Michael Connelly took this a step further and purported that most people fall in and out of love many times, but if they get struck with the single bullet of a true connection, their wounds never heal and they always remain gripped with the trauma of that one lost love (I guess most Pakistani’s know what I’m talking about, since most of them can’t marry at their own will). Anyway, the single bullet is the harshest bullet and causes eternal and persistent damage. Could Trump be that single bullet that leaves America (the subsequently the rest of the world) scarred forever? I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out.
“Hey Steph, how are you doing?” I asked, knowing exactly how she would be feeling.
“I’m okay, I guess. Actually, I’m not. I’m in Philly and I can’t believe that Pennsylvania voted red – for Trump. I live here I feel like I should have known…you remember how we used to binge watch The Apprentice? I really liked him back then. He was good entertainment. Now, he just cost me my job!”
“Dude, I work at a non-profit that helps Spanish-speaking immigrants pay their mortgages. Our grant expires in six months and it’s not getting renewed. God, it’s so funny. Trump got me fired too.”