I wanted to write reams and reams in self-praise today but my advisors have asked me to shorten my diary lest I expose my obliviousity, ignoramity, absurdiousness and imprudentism.
They’ve also persuaded me to show them my final draft before publication in The Friday Times. “Have you lost confidence in me?” I asked them exasperatilly. “Not at all Khan Sahab”, they replied in unison, “we’ve just sort of er ahem had cause to reconsider the er state of er we mean ahem your brain”. “What’s wrong with my brain?” I asked wonderfully, as in full of wonderment. “Oh nothing at all, Khan Sahab. It’s just that we er feel it might have been kidnapped by Nawaz Sharif and his goons er meaning to say that we fear your brain might be er ahem sort of missing”. “My brain’s missing?” “Er yes, Khan Sahab, it’s missing and we can’t say we blame it because after 63 years of incarceration in that vortex we feel it was in urgent need of a holiday so it’s probably vacationing in London but the remarkable thing is that while your mind is gone, you continue to perform your everyday duties with exemplary ahem er diligence thank you.”
That’s when it occurred to me that we should try and win at least one election, so I sent one of my top men to the US to help Hillary Clinton in her presidential campaign. My party stalwart was received at Dulles airport by the Washington DC PTI In Charge Bashir Beverly Hills Khan. He bowed deeply to my stalwart, “Welcome your Majjesty Worship, all hail to thee Dook of PTI. We offer you the crown of the ancient earldom of Beverly Hills to confer upon Mrs Clinton as lifetime Earless”.
Now I’ll end my diary with my latest poem on the PML N:
“I’m trying not to mention it, I don’t want to be rude,
And I don’t want my words to be personally construed,
But tell me dear readers, have you noticed that
Everyone in the PMLN is so hugely fat?”