Just look at these London PMLN goons, besieging my former mother-in-law’s home. PTI goons besieging the Sharifs’ home in Lahore is fine because Lahore’s not London. And the Sharifs aren’t British aristocrats. So, while they laid siege, I was holed out in the guest room upstairs. I called ma-in-law nervously on my cell phone. “Don’t worry. I’ll give them a piece of my mind” she said, “I’m just popping out”. “Well, for heaven’s sake wear something that fits then,” I implored her.
The goons were also shouting slogans against my former bro-in-law who’s fighting an election to become Mayor of London. Like me, he’s a much married man but like me, it’s always the woman’s fault. His last parting happened because his wife complained that he was lacking in the conjugal rights department and got him to take a course of herbal rejuvenators made by Madame Sultry Siren. He took the mixture but nothing happened. Then one day while his wife was out shopping, Madame Sultry called at his house and asked him how things were going. He got angry and said that she was a quack whereupon she said that he was not using the rejuvenator correctly and offered to show him there and then how it worked. She dragged him to the couch and miraculously, the mixture began to work very well indeed. In the middle of his cure, his wife returned with her shopping, and despite him saying that all would be well now that he was cured, she insisting on divorcing him. You see! What an unreasonable woman she was.
Anyway, I’ve decided to talk in code with my faithful followers and have been updating my code diary. I’m under “T” for “Tom”. Nawaz is under “J” for “Jerry”. General Bobby is under “S” for “Saas”. The government is under “B” for “Bahu”. Asif Zardari, Qaim Ali Shah, Maulana Fazlurrahman, Mahmud Khan Achakzai, the ANP and all those who are not in my Get-Nawaz Gang are under “W” for “Women”. My Dharna-2 plan is under “K” for “Kung-Fu” and in case you don’t know what Kung-Fu is, it’s how to kick people in Chinese.
Im the Dim