Marry Christmas, meray aziz humwatno! Thanks God I’m back from Turkmenistan where it was freezing cold. I’d gone there to sign up the Turkmenistan-Afghanistan-Pakistan-India pipe dream. Sorry, pipeline.
As you know we are all from Turkmenistan. Er sorry, that’s wrong. We’re all from Saudi Arabia. Anyways, President of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguley, is a Turkman like President Babar, fust Mughal emperor. He’s trying to industrialise Turkmenistan fast (Gubranguley, not Babar Badshah). He’s having problems. For example in a soap manufacturing company, soap blocks were being made, and then put in cartoons. Cartoons were wrapped in wrapping paper and made raddy for market. Many times it happened that cartoons were empty and still they were wrapped. President of Turkmenistan ordered that the company should buy a scanner from USA for $ 60,000 to check assembly line and make sure cartoons weren’t empty. Scanner had to be monitored by ten supervisors to check empty cartons. Gurbanguley took me to inspect scanner very proudly. I told him, “dear brother. Instead of $60,000 scanner you should’ve bought Pakistani pedestal fan for Rs 2000/-, placed it on edge of assembly line and switched it on. Empty cartoons would just have blew away, hain ji? No need for expansive scanner or monitoring staff, hain ji?”
While in Turkmenistan, I got call from David Cameroon. “Hello old chap!” he said, “you know all this terrorism business. Be a sport and get rid of all that nonsense in Pakistan, wot? I mean everyone in the West is blaming you.”
Ashraf Ghani also was. He and Gurbanguley looked at me. I suppose I had to say something. So I said, “now look here Mr Cameroon. Let’s not play this blame game, because I heard about 63 Pakistanis dying in Bradford the other day. I know it wasn’t a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. Should we go around blaming AL-IKEA?”
As you know we are all from Turkmenistan. Er sorry, that’s wrong. We’re all from Saudi Arabia. Anyways, President of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguley, is a Turkman like President Babar, fust Mughal emperor. He’s trying to industrialise Turkmenistan fast (Gubranguley, not Babar Badshah). He’s having problems. For example in a soap manufacturing company, soap blocks were being made, and then put in cartoons. Cartoons were wrapped in wrapping paper and made raddy for market. Many times it happened that cartoons were empty and still they were wrapped. President of Turkmenistan ordered that the company should buy a scanner from USA for $ 60,000 to check assembly line and make sure cartoons weren’t empty. Scanner had to be monitored by ten supervisors to check empty cartons. Gurbanguley took me to inspect scanner very proudly. I told him, “dear brother. Instead of $60,000 scanner you should’ve bought Pakistani pedestal fan for Rs 2000/-, placed it on edge of assembly line and switched it on. Empty cartoons would just have blew away, hain ji? No need for expansive scanner or monitoring staff, hain ji?”
While in Turkmenistan, I got call from David Cameroon. “Hello old chap!” he said, “you know all this terrorism business. Be a sport and get rid of all that nonsense in Pakistan, wot? I mean everyone in the West is blaming you.”
Ashraf Ghani also was. He and Gurbanguley looked at me. I suppose I had to say something. So I said, “now look here Mr Cameroon. Let’s not play this blame game, because I heard about 63 Pakistanis dying in Bradford the other day. I know it wasn’t a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. Should we go around blaming AL-IKEA?”
NS