Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Biometric failure


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Reported in Jang (February 12, 2015) a SIM verification device installed at a mobile phone company’s counter at the National Assembly could not recognize Speaker Ayaz Sadiq’s thumbprint. He was asked to wet his thumb with his saliva. He was angered and asked why there were no wet pads. The speaker tried both his thumbs and several of his fingers, but the machine didn’t work. As he left, Ayaz Sadiq asked how the biometric system would work in the elections.

Karachi’s fire brigade runs out of vehicles and drivers


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According to Nawa-e-Waqt (February 12, 2015) Karachi’s fire department had to suspend its service after its three snorkels and three trucks broke down (fanni kharabi). Drivers of 16 fire trucks do not come to work because their contracts have expired. Twelve drivers of fire trucks and four drivers of water bowsers were on leave.

Wang Yi forgets mobile phone on the podium


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Dunya reports (February 13, 2015) Chinese foreign minister Wang Yi forgot his mobile phone on the dais after a press conference at the foreign office in Islamabad, and left the hall. He did not realize it until the Pakistani protocol staff returned it to him, and that made him very happy (khushi say khil uthay).

Kayani asked us to attack chief justice’s convoy: Elahi 


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Quoted in Express (February 13, 2015) former Punjab chief minister Pervez Elahi says Gen (r) Ashfaq Kayani wrote a letter as ISI chief asking the PML-Q to attack former chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry’s caravan, but we refused.

Rehman Malik owes Rs 2.4 million in electricity bill


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According to Jang (February 14, 2015) former interior minister Senator Rehman Malik owes Rs 2.4 million to Islamabad electric company, which he did not pay when he left his official residence.

Robbers turn out policemen


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Reported in Nawa-e-Waqt (February 14, 2015) two men who had been robbing visitors of Model Town Park in Lahore of cash and mobile phones turned out to be policemen. They were caught by passers-by and security guards when one victim began to shout.

‘No load shedding if Pakistan reaches final’


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Quoted in Express (February 15, 2015) minister of state for water and power Abid Sher Ali says if Pakistan’s cricket team reaches the World Cup final, there will be no load shedding for an entire month.

9-year-old boy married to 25-year-old girl 


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Dunya reports (February 15, 2015) a 9 year old boy was married to a 25 year old woman in Bahawalpur. Locals say the police did not act because they had been bribed.

Bride lies about being underage 


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Express reports (February 16, 2015) a 19-year-old girl in Pakpattan who was being married to a man she did not like called up the police and asked them to raid the wedding claiming she was only 12. Police arrested her brother and the groom,  before the found out the girl was lying. The girl later agreed to marry the groom.

Cricket fans break TV sets as India beats Pakistan


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According to Jang (February 16, 2015) a PTI leader in Faisalabad, three men in Sahiwal, three in Sarai Alamgir, and several others in Sheikhupura and Nowshehra broke their television sets after the Pakistani cricket team lost to India in their first World Cup game. Some passed out and were taken to doctors, others cried, and many decided never to watch cricket again (tobah kar lee).

Rainwater enters Lahore airport lounge


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Reported in Dunya (February 17, 2015) travelers at the Lahore airport had to face problems (mushkilat ka samna) after rainwater entered the passengers lounge. The sewage system was blocked because it had not been cleaned for three months.

Cellphone company hires polio workers for SIM verification 


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A mobile phone company has hired women anti-polio workers in Sindh to go door to door to get people’s mobile phone SIMs verified, reports Dunya (February 17, 2015).