I hope you’ve noticed my judicious silence, after that first half-hearted statement about the attack on Hamid Mir. Apparently, I’m not like Nawaz Sharif and Bilawal Bhutto who’ve made it a point to go to the hospital to see Mir. In fact, I’ve been wondering myself why I haven’t been to see him. Finally I plucked up the courage to ask my minder the question that’s been occurring to me ever since the attack on Mir: “how come Nawaz and Bilawal can go and see Mir and I can’t?” I whined. “Because you haven’t got clearance”, my minder reminded me. “How come they’ve got clearance and I haven’t?” I whined. My minder looked long and hard at the cracks in the ceiling, then explained to me patiently: “They. Never. Asked. For. Clearance.”
My minder’s told me that my next campaign and related dharna is going to be called “Stop Cruelty To Former Dictator”, allied with “Respect Rights of Former Dictator” and “It is Treason To Hold The Unaccountable Accountable”. I hear I’m going to make an irrefutable case, here and abroad, just as I did for the drones, for letting Musharraf go abroad for treatment. He is, I’m told, suffering from acute Ingrownitis which is a life-threatening, potentially fatal illness related to ingrown toenails.
It’s very sad that Hamid Mir’s case has been broadcast all over the world along with the treacherous blasphemy of naming the DG ISI as the prime suspect in the attack on him. Shudder, shudder. Imagine – actually naming His Holiness the DG ISI. Shudder, shudder. As I said, this has brought a very bad name to the ISI which hitherto enjoyed a sterling reputation for probity, honesty, uprightness, trustworthiness and meticulous scrupulousness in all its dealings with everyone all over the world. The sorry saga was even on “Sixty Minutes” which I sat watching on my satellite telly just as my old friends Yusuf, Moby and Goldie walked in. “I can’t talk now”, I said. “I’m watching ‘Sixty Minutes”’. “How long is it on for?” they asked. “How the hell should I know?” I said. “Look on Google, idiot”, they said. “Alright, alright” I muttered under my breath. And guess what. It’s on for sixty minutes.
My minder’s told me that my next campaign and related dharna is going to be called “Stop Cruelty To Former Dictator”, allied with “Respect Rights of Former Dictator” and “It is Treason To Hold The Unaccountable Accountable”. I hear I’m going to make an irrefutable case, here and abroad, just as I did for the drones, for letting Musharraf go abroad for treatment. He is, I’m told, suffering from acute Ingrownitis which is a life-threatening, potentially fatal illness related to ingrown toenails.
It’s very sad that Hamid Mir’s case has been broadcast all over the world along with the treacherous blasphemy of naming the DG ISI as the prime suspect in the attack on him. Shudder, shudder. Imagine – actually naming His Holiness the DG ISI. Shudder, shudder. As I said, this has brought a very bad name to the ISI which hitherto enjoyed a sterling reputation for probity, honesty, uprightness, trustworthiness and meticulous scrupulousness in all its dealings with everyone all over the world. The sorry saga was even on “Sixty Minutes” which I sat watching on my satellite telly just as my old friends Yusuf, Moby and Goldie walked in. “I can’t talk now”, I said. “I’m watching ‘Sixty Minutes”’. “How long is it on for?” they asked. “How the hell should I know?” I said. “Look on Google, idiot”, they said. “Alright, alright” I muttered under my breath. And guess what. It’s on for sixty minutes.