Scene:
A very important meeting is in progress at the He Fled Apartment. Dozens of local and international TV channels and hundreds of Youtubias are present in the lounge of No-Sir-Baz Sharif, the sole proprietor of Pakistan Muslim League (Non-Sense). He is accompanied by his close courtiers – Isaac Dark, Nani, Gongloo, Guddu Charger. He is negotiating a deal with the centuries old Non-Sense League’s spokesman Tasneem Haider.
To ensure transparency in the deal, the media is recording everything and airing it live.
***
“My dear Tasneem. You are demanding too much. Do discount!” says No-Sir-Baz.
“I am asking for just Rs. 5,000 for just two suparis! It is nothing. I charged 20 lac for just one Khashoggi. Your target is more high-profiled than Khashoggi!” answers Tasneem.
“Who says Patay Khan is high-profiled? Nobody knows him!” says No-Sir-Baz.
“I am not referring to Patay Khan. I know he is a small fry. I am referring to Arshad Sharif! Moreover, you want me to do the job in such a way that nobody’s angels should know who is behind this! Rest assured, 5k is just a peanut. I will leave no evidence,” defends Tasneem.
“Oh ho! Even then, 5k is too much! We are your old customers. Have you forgotten? I paid you Rs. 5.00 for the supari in 1951. I paid you just Rs. 2.50 for Z A Bhutto. Do you remember? And how much I paid him for three later Bhuttos?”
No-Sir-Baz looks at his accounts clerk Isaac Dark and asks him.
Isaac opens a thick register, finds a page and says: “Sir at that time, a special deal was running. He dropped (tapkaya) Benazir, Murtaza and Shahnawaz for Rs. 15.00 along with General Zia-ul-Haq. Zia was free because the deal was ‘buy three get four!’”
“But yar 5k is still too much! Keep hand soft (hath hola rakh),” says No-Sir-Baz.
“Sir, don’t waste my time. I can’t reduce the price. My rates are the cheapest. My services are the best. Patay Khan is killing me missed calls. He wants to give me your supari for 10lac. But since I have eaten your salt, that is why I am not accepting his offer. If you will bicker with me more, I will take your supari right away and in front of these cameras you will be parcelled to heaven!”
“Don’t be angry son. Give me some discount for old times’ sake! I will give you more business. I have to deal with Sheeda Bell (Sheeda Talli) and Wet Partridge (Geela Teetar).”
No-Sir-Baz is a complete bunya (the miserly money lender), thus insists for discount.
“Then go to our app on which we are running a deal. You buy supari of five. You can add one more name and job will be done in just Rs. 5,500!” informs Tasneem.
“Vow! Why you did not tell me earlier! Thank you. The deal is done!”
What a satire, The names selected or chosen by you are excellent. Good job keep it up.
Thank you!
I agree this murder storyline is so concocted and half baked by PTI through the services for sale tasneem guy that it could only be described in a work of satire.
Narrative building is forte of PTI but it seems like it’s not done by its pro but somebody low down the ranks like OSC. A poor imitation of IK expertise. But Imran might say imitation is the best form of flattery and like it so much that he would start repeating in his next speeches as he is thin on new ideas these days.
Thanks!