SaazishNama: Of Neutrals, World Cups, And Conspiracies

SaazishNama: Of Neutrals, World Cups, And Conspiracies
Yes, I believe in the biological process of evolution but despite that, please know that neutral sirf janwar hota hai.

These neutrals and their saazishein are just too much for me to handle. Evolutionary process dictates us to change the way we look at neutrals as well. In 1996, I challenged my erstwhile Oxford fellow, PM BB, to providing Pakistan with a neutral umpire. This is when women tore earrings off their ears to throw in my donation box that I carried around Pakistan. Even the beggars donated. Shopkeepers said that they will give zakat to me instead of paying tax to BB. I had an insane support base (literally)! All of this just over my World Cup triumph. For BB and I, both, it was clear that I could easily become PM of this nation any day. Had she given me a neutral umpire after my World Cup victory, I could have proven it. Instead, I abysmally lost two elections because of these neutrals and a yahoodi saazish against me. Jem also left after.

Khair, Shaukat Khanum was my second World Cup. After that BB was gone and Gen. Musharaf was another neutral I trusted and supported for his democratic views. After this mistake, I had to publicly pledge to never again trust a neutral dressed up in a wardee, which had to be stripped off for continuation of premiership. My struggle for finding neutrals peaked in 2011 when I launched the Memogate jalsa conspiracy, which no one gives me credit for, by the way.
I was the first one who had pointed out that these neutrals are not-so-neutral, after all. I should have also informed the public in 2011 that neutral sirf janwar hota hai.

I know how these saazishi people operate and hence, I knew for a fact that this Haqqani and neutrals were cooking up a saazish. It was an incredible experience despite not having the memo on me on that October, music-blazing night filled with fun and Memogate saazish at Minar-e-Pakistan. I was the first one who had pointed out that these neutrals are not-so-neutral, after all. I should have also informed the public in 2011 that neutral sirf janwar hota hai. One will simply get disappointed in expecting this trait from human beings, in General. Circumstances could have been different today.

My third World Cup was my tour to fickle Amreeka. These neutrals saw my influence there too. The celebrations that followed my visit were phenomenal – a repeat of 1992. My contemporaries have always been jealous of me. I’m used to it. Trust me, I’ve seen the diplomatic cable. It is ruthless and brutal about the way my government has damaged the economy, but it is a secret document, so I could only share parts that were significant. Basically, they wanted me to bite the dust. I swear, it carried the same language that was used for Zulfi Bhutto and it reeked of assassination. In response to these White Papers, I had even planned on writing “If IMF Assassinated…” from my gallows.

Even as a successful cricketer, bringing evolution into a technique is of high importance. What was the biggest mistake I made during the jalsa in 2011? I didn’t have the Memo on me. Hence, this time, I ensured that I had the secret cable on me. I fluttered it in the air whilst the crowd fluttered with it. They hate this imported hakumat that has put a ban on imports. What a nasty saazish to oust someone over an IMF deal. Truly, these neutrals have always been partial.

They should continue to be partial towards me just like when the Panama case removed the NS government and instated my government in 2018. My innocence, as PM, led me to refer to Gen. Bajwa as a purely neutral general on multiple occasions. Yaar, someone should knock some sense into these neutrals. It is in the interest of Pakistan that I return as PM. I know the pulse of the people. I don’t need elections or selections. Hence, I’ve made peace with the fact that neutrality is an animal instinct. One must not frisk humans. And, it is now my duty to apprise Pakistanis of this fact.
Yaar, someone should knock some sense into these neutrals. It is in the interest of Pakistan that I return as PM. I know the pulse of the people. I don’t need elections or selections.

FYI: I informed Pakistanis that our religion dictates us against preaching neutrality, especially in jihad-like situations where democratic processes are being observed against me to oust me. It is simply cruel; therefore, I called them out for jihad against this travesty of VONC. While I only used the institutions against the NS + BB governments, these corrupt chors took my very own people from me! How is this fair? I told my supporters that if they are Muslims, they must forego the democratic concept of institutional neutrality. Besides, followers of western democracy are all animals anyway!

I can never forgive this betrayal at the hands of these Mir Jafars. I don’t think a lot of my supporters got my reference to these neutrals in there. Instead, they researched on the centuries-old folklore of Mir Jafar (face-palms). Please forget democracy! It isn’t meant for us. Presidential system of Riyasat-e-Madina, as proposed by the Constitution of 1956, is the best solution that the PTI has. Only a president can rule this nation where these neutrals are such saazishi ghaddars!