(TW: violence against women)
He withdraws, shuts down. He is becoming unconscious to his present. It’s coming soon, you sense it. It’s all present in his body language.
He looks displeased now. That disdainful expression on his face, the downward slant of the mouth, the lack of eye contact, the cold distant look in his eye. Its coming, you know it.
You can see the storm approaching, every inch of you feels strangely charged, ripe with expectation
He verbally abuses you derides you, puts you down, it’s starting, you know it.
He shoves you with his fingers. But it is just a shove, isn’t it? You can handle it , you will live to see another day.
The shove turns into a push which flattens you against the wall. That’s alright, it did not hurt so much, pain is not always a bad thing.
You close your eyes, bracing yourself, it will soon be over, he will calm down. You will live to see another day
He pulls you by your hair, dragging you across the floor, you are becoming strangely dissociated watching this taking place from outside of your body. This, too, shall pass, you tell yourself, tomorrow is another day.
He loves you, of course he does. He just can’t handle the intensity of his emotions, he has had a difficult childhood, he has been bullied, has been addicted, he has made it through all this. He’s cried on your shoulder telling you all this, he allows himself to be vulnerable in front of you. He needs you, he wants you. How can he want to harm you?
That’s all it is: he is expressing his love. You want to be there for him through thick and thin. Both of you will survive this: you will live to see another day.
He is hovering over you now, slapping and punching you, kicking you in the belly. The sharp pain jolts you back to reality, it hurts so much. You look into his eyes theres madness there. He can’t seem to see you and is looking beyond you. You will live to see another day – the voice is quieter now and you have to strain your bleeding ear to hear it. He takes off your clothes to have sex with you, pounding into the very body he abused. He continues to hit you as he rapes you. That’s what it is: rape! Whether you are married or not.
Now you just want it to END.
He has completely consumed you. The aches in your body feel strangely calming, they will subside, the bruises will disappear. You will live to see another day. But do you really want to? You can’t live with him, yet you can’t live without him.
This time you may not have to do either.
You just may not live.
This time he just could not stop.
This time he kept ravaging you until he slashed your neck.
This time it is all over .
You look at your torn up body, you look at him screaming and continuing to ravage your body. He is still not satisfied but you no longer feel the pain or anything else either.
This time you will not live to see another day.
Tomorrow will NOT be another Day. Not for you, at least.