The trolls are after me. Shrieking Mazari fired the first shot: “how come the ECC decided to import sugar and cotton from – choke, choke, sputter, sputter – India, without consulting the Cabinet?” Then others chimed in. Sheeda Tully said, “I mean – gag, gag, cough, cough – India? After what they did in Kashmir? We DEMAND to know, whose bright idea was this?” Then SMQ hissed, minced and enunciated, “we MUST apportion blame for this dastardly sell-out”. I denied all responsibility. “It was the Commerce Minister’s idea”, I said, passing the buck. “Bring him here”, squawked Shrieking Mazari again. “Feed him to the lions”, shouted Sheeda. “Twenty lashes”, pronounced SMQ, “nay, FOUR HUNDRED and twenty lashes!” I ordered my Principal Secretary, “ask the Commerce Minister to come here AT ONCE!” Just then, the fire alarm went off. We all rushed out. My PS grabbed my arm and dragged me into an alcove. “Sir”, he rasped, “please don’t push this Commerce Minister line”. “Why not? He MUST answer for his treacherous decision”. “Sir, we cannot present the Commerce Minister, sir, I beg you”. “Why EVER not?” “B-b-because YOU are the Commerce Minister, sir”. Er, really? You can imagine how quickly I dropped THAT subject.
They’re also after me for sacking Dr Hafeez Sheikh. I’m sorry but I don’t know what they’re talking about. Hafeez who? All I know about the gent is that one fine day in mid-2019, The Boyz called and said sack Asad Umar. I said yessir. The next day I received a package from DHL which contained Dr Hafeez Sheikh. I even tried to get him into the Senate but we didn’t have enough Sanitizers. Then The Boyz called DHS and caned him for failing in his final exams. He failed in a subject called “inflation”. I used to think DHS was Master Of The Safe Exit but I suppose he’s lost it, having rubbed shoulders with me for two years. Moral of the story: never rub shoulders with anything other than suntan lotion.
Im the Dim
