Recently I was asked why I am not holding the sugar barons to account. My answer is simple and logical. It is totally unconstitutional, undemocratic, undulating, undergarments, undressing, underage and utterly unacceptable to hold anyone accountable unless they are Nawaz Sharif, Shahbaz Sharif, Maryam Nawaz Sharif, Maulana Fazlurrahman, Rana Sanaullah, Khurshid Shah, Shahid Khaqan Abbasi, Asif Zardari and other people from the Opposition.
I have consulted Justice (retired) Saquib Dam Nisar, Justice (retd) Azmat Iqama Saeed and Justice (retired) Asif Godfather Khosa and they have all, without exception, determined that the Accountability Laws have within them an inviolable, sacrosanct, uninfringeable, unchallengeable clause which states the following: “Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye! Let it be known that The Gloriously Unfair & Vengeful Laws of Accountability shall only be applicable to those Horrible Individuals who believe that the Elected Representatives of the people should govern Pakistan without interference from The Generals.”
Justice (totally retired) Iftikhar Madhatter Chaudhry concurred: “That Accountability Laws be applied to those who stopped the Privatisation of Pakistan Steel Mills or those who breached the Australia-Pakistan Bilateral Investment Treaty and illegally denied mining right to the Tethyan Copper Co at the Reko Diq Mine in Balochistan, causing losses of billions of dollars to Pakistan, is an utter disgrace. Such patriots should go completely unpunished”.
You see? How right I am! As always.
The other question I was asked was by my irate Party members who were all furious that they had not received their development grants. I held my head in my hands and said I know, I know, but there’s no money in the treasury. They all said well, we don’t care, do something. So I said, look, I know you don’t give a damn about development, you just want your cuts, right? They all said “right” in unison. So I said, how about I get Hafeez Sheikh to give you your cuts (I’m told each member steals about 20% from their constituency development fund) and forget about the rest? Everyone was overjoyed.
Im the Dim