What a momentous year it’s been! 2020 is the year I finally put paid to the Opposition, the independent media, human rights groups, progressive NGOs and Hope In Pakistan (HIP). “Hip” is a project that was begun way back in 1947 – please remind me, why does that year ring a bell in my cerebral vortex?
2020 is also the year my soul mates Donald Trump and Boris Johnson won the Eurovirus Contest for their superb management of the COVID pandemic. This same year Harry and Meghan declared UDI, Unilateral Declaration of Independence (just like Rhodesia, Shirin Mazari tells me, in 1965 from the UK. She says this is a formal process leading to the establishment of a new state by a subnational entity without a formal agreement with the state from which it is seceding).
“Really?” I asked her, “same as in December 1971, in Dhaka?” “Ssshhhh!” she whispered. “We’re supposed to have forgotten all about that!” Then she picked up the phone and dialed 007. Through my befuddlement, I heard her whisper, “that lobotomy was unsuccessful. He’s STILL talking about Dhaka, 1971!”
“LISTEN SHIREEN”, I persisted, “I seem to remember something from the old days when I used to say that unless we stop disappearing the Baloch, they’ll end up declaring UDI …” She got more frantic, “007! Can you get here quick! I deny all responsibility for what he’s saying. I have nothing to do with it …” I carried on, “didn’t I also say that the Pakhtun Tahaffuz Movement was inevitable because …”
Suddenly, Rescue 1122 burst into the room and I lost my train of thought. But soon they came back again, rattling around in my head with that solitary brain cell. “But, Shireen, can the Punjab can declare UDI from Pakistan? It can’t, can it?” “No, no, of course not! Let’s talk about how successfully we’ve dealt with COVID.”
“Have we?” I said, “Oh yes, my health minister says new graphs suggest the number of graphs may have peaked.”
Im the Dim