You’d think it was my fault that the Pakistani economy has gone under by the way the traders and businessmen are behaving. When I came to power a year and a half ago, I was told by my advisors that soon billions would come pouring in from overseas Pakistanis and we would get yet more billions by squeezing these corrupt politicians. None of that has happened, the economy has gone through the floor and everyone’s constantly at me.
I mean, how’s it my fault? I’ve asked some of my brilliant advisors and they’ve suggested I should send a written apology to the nation. So here goes:
“In common with a lot of other important people in the Tehrik-e-Insaf, I may in recent years have given the impression that corrupt politicians like Nawaz, Shahbaz and Zardari would fork over billions the minute they saw the inside of a jail. I may also have given the impression that millions of expat Pakistanis would fork over billions the minute they saw me inside the PM’s office. Pronouncements at dharnas and election rallies such as ‘Rising hot air balloon – Pakistani growth will hit 99% the minute I become PM’, ‘Insafian Tsunami to suck in billions from Nawaz-Shahbaz off-shore accounts’ and ‘I will throw off IMF yoke’ may have conveyed the impression that I and my team knew exactly what we were doing.
“I now recognize that there was not a jot of truth in any of my above statements. I now realize that the Pakistani economy is deeply flawed, and is a deeply corrupt, inefficient oligarchy, run on slave labour and wholly dependent on the billions of dollars we have to borrow from the West and which we are in no position to repay.
“I am very sorry if my earlier statements led to any confusion in the minds of Pakistanis or caused them to believe in my junk rhetoric. I would like to say in conclusion that Pakistanis should have known better than to believe anything they heard from me.”
What do you think? Should I read out this statement on the 9 o’clock news today and be done with it? I guess I’ll have to ask Her Holiness.
Im the Dim
I mean, how’s it my fault? I’ve asked some of my brilliant advisors and they’ve suggested I should send a written apology to the nation. So here goes:
“In common with a lot of other important people in the Tehrik-e-Insaf, I may in recent years have given the impression that corrupt politicians like Nawaz, Shahbaz and Zardari would fork over billions the minute they saw the inside of a jail. I may also have given the impression that millions of expat Pakistanis would fork over billions the minute they saw me inside the PM’s office. Pronouncements at dharnas and election rallies such as ‘Rising hot air balloon – Pakistani growth will hit 99% the minute I become PM’, ‘Insafian Tsunami to suck in billions from Nawaz-Shahbaz off-shore accounts’ and ‘I will throw off IMF yoke’ may have conveyed the impression that I and my team knew exactly what we were doing.
“I now recognize that there was not a jot of truth in any of my above statements. I now realize that the Pakistani economy is deeply flawed, and is a deeply corrupt, inefficient oligarchy, run on slave labour and wholly dependent on the billions of dollars we have to borrow from the West and which we are in no position to repay.
“I am very sorry if my earlier statements led to any confusion in the minds of Pakistanis or caused them to believe in my junk rhetoric. I would like to say in conclusion that Pakistanis should have known better than to believe anything they heard from me.”
What do you think? Should I read out this statement on the 9 o’clock news today and be done with it? I guess I’ll have to ask Her Holiness.
Im the Dim