Yesterday I asked Janoo something I’d been khappoing over for a lot many days. ‘Janoo,’ I said, ‘what is difference between Foreign Hand and Hidden Hand?’
‘Why do you ask?’ ‘Because, Mulloo says smock is fault of Foreign Hand and dharna is being done by Hidden Hand’. ‘And what do you think?’ he asked.
‘The way she was saying, I think so both these hands, they are not helping hands. Smock tau is definitely gift of Indians,’ I said. ‘Every year Modi is making it himself only and rolling it to us over the boarder. Like poisonous candy frost. To choke us slowly slowly. And because Modi thinks bhagvan is Indian and not Pakistani, that’s why it’s Foreign Hand. But dharna I’m not understanding. I thought the mullahs and their protestants were doing it. Now you’re saying there’s a Hand behind that also? Vaisay Janoo, one thing: these must be very busy hands. One day doing smock over whole of Punjab, next day doing a million man dharna, third day doing rain over T20. I wish they’d come and do the dusting shusting in my house and organise my parties and my khaanas. So nicely and quietly they’d do everything and the whole time never even coming in front of me. And maybe Foreign Hand could also cook some nice foreign type dishes like stake shake and chicken ala cave.’
‘Yup. Mind you The Hidden Hand could be a Foreign Hand,’ said Janoo, ‘but a Hidden Hand may not always be foreign, if you catch my drift.’
‘Oho Janoo don’t speak like an Oxen. Tell me saaf saaf, okay?’
‘They are some hands which may be desi but they operate invisibly. That’s why they’re called The Hidden Hand.’
‘Because they’re shy? Or they’re in purdah?’
Janoo laughed without laughing and said that some people call them khalai makhlooq. ‘Oh you mean they’re like Peerni’s jinns?’
‘Yes, exactly. Like her jinns they also eat a lot and scare everyone.’
‘And one last question Janoo: the hand that pinched my bottom in the bazaar, is that Foreign Hand or Hidden Hand?’
‘No,’ said Janoo, ‘that’s just underhand.’
‘Why do you ask?’ ‘Because, Mulloo says smock is fault of Foreign Hand and dharna is being done by Hidden Hand’. ‘And what do you think?’ he asked.
‘The way she was saying, I think so both these hands, they are not helping hands. Smock tau is definitely gift of Indians,’ I said. ‘Every year Modi is making it himself only and rolling it to us over the boarder. Like poisonous candy frost. To choke us slowly slowly. And because Modi thinks bhagvan is Indian and not Pakistani, that’s why it’s Foreign Hand. But dharna I’m not understanding. I thought the mullahs and their protestants were doing it. Now you’re saying there’s a Hand behind that also? Vaisay Janoo, one thing: these must be very busy hands. One day doing smock over whole of Punjab, next day doing a million man dharna, third day doing rain over T20. I wish they’d come and do the dusting shusting in my house and organise my parties and my khaanas. So nicely and quietly they’d do everything and the whole time never even coming in front of me. And maybe Foreign Hand could also cook some nice foreign type dishes like stake shake and chicken ala cave.’
‘Yup. Mind you The Hidden Hand could be a Foreign Hand,’ said Janoo, ‘but a Hidden Hand may not always be foreign, if you catch my drift.’
‘Oho Janoo don’t speak like an Oxen. Tell me saaf saaf, okay?’
‘They are some hands which may be desi but they operate invisibly. That’s why they’re called The Hidden Hand.’
‘Because they’re shy? Or they’re in purdah?’
Janoo laughed without laughing and said that some people call them khalai makhlooq. ‘Oh you mean they’re like Peerni’s jinns?’
‘Yes, exactly. Like her jinns they also eat a lot and scare everyone.’
‘And one last question Janoo: the hand that pinched my bottom in the bazaar, is that Foreign Hand or Hidden Hand?’
‘No,’ said Janoo, ‘that’s just underhand.’