Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them.

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Abid Sher Ali’s charity begins at home!


It was reported by Daily Jang (28 Nov 2016) that Minister for Water and Power Abid Sher Ali stated that PPP leader Bilawal Bhutto should first his aunts and uncles (phuppi, aunty aur uncle) in handcuffs, amidst all this talk of accountability.

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Blind men removing the hides of donkeys…


Residents of the Jhamra area of Faisalabad, according to Daily Jang (28 Nov 2016), caught three individuals on suspicion of removing the hides of local donkeys. Residents shaved the head of one of the three as a punishment. Police, arriving on the scene, were of the view that none of the three was involved in any such activity and one of the three was actually blind.

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Failing to break the Indian ‘spell’?


According to Daily Dunya (29 Nov 2016), sales of tickets and attendance were so dismally low at the concert of Pakistani singer Naseebo Lal that the organisers ended up losing a significant sum of money. The organizer of the event was quoted as saying that the show was organised with the aim of breaking the spell of Indian culture (Bharati saqafati sahr) by promoting Pakistani stars.

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A heated response


Daily Jang reported (29 Nov 2016) that a girl from Khanewal heated up some ghee and poured it over a boy who came to tease her and then sat outside her home.

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‘Higher than Himalayas, sweeter than…errr…”


It was reported by Daily Jang (29 Nov 2016) that China has asked the Muslims of Sinkiang to focus more on Chinese socialism than on their religion. The official in charge of religious affairs, addressing the tenth Chinese Muslim National Conference, also stressed that mosques be built according to Chinese architectural style.

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Peerless advice?


Daily Jang reported (29 Nov 2016) that Lord Nazir, member of the British House of Lords, addressing Punjab University students, said that Pakistani people have supported the Kashmir cause but he has one complaint with Pakistani politicians. He said Pakistan should also support Sikh separatist movements in India. He went on to say that Pakistan needed to mount an adequate response to Modi’s threat to close off water supplies, or else they really would be closed down.

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Wisdom from the MNAs


Daily Dunya quoted (30 Nov 2016) members of the National Assembly as saying that gas load-shedding was leading to an increase in divorces because wives were unable to prepare food on time and this angered their husbands.

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The CM’s optimism


Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif was quoted by Daily Dunya (01 Dec 2016) as saying that if it were not for dharna protests and long marches, the country could soon equal Turkey and China.

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Sky high!


It was reported by Daily Nawa-i-Waqt (04 Dec 2016) that the Indian media is discussing how Afghanistan and India could trade with each other, bypassing Pakistan entirely, and that this could be done by air.

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The Punjab police sends its regards…


Daily Nawa-i-Waqt reported (04 dec 2016) that police in Lahore beat up blind people trying to enter an event for people with disabilities, organised on the global day for disabled people.