I began 2016’s last core committee meeting, resolved to come to important decisions on which we could do U-Turns later, if required. “Good morning. Please listen carefully for discussion, debate and waffle, after which I will announce our decision to which we will remain firmly committed until I take a U-Turn.”
“Captain, Chairman, Great Leader”, said SMQ, “it’s fascinating that you should mention waffle because that’s exactly what I intend to do for the next 30 minutes. But before I commence, may I ask JKT to kindly tell us what has happened in the last three and a half years since the rigged elections of 2013.”
“It gives me great satisfaction”, said JKT, “to announce that nothing has actually happened so far, Your Constantly Ecstatic Highness”. “I have to disagree with JKT, O Ye Khan of The Golden Horde, Punctilious Majesty, Most Gracious U-Turner. I think a great deal has happened and it has to do mostly with our non-performance and no-show in Parliament, Your Divine Daftness.”
I then interjected with my decisive input, “It should now be clear to all core committee members that we are true believers in the Two Party System and proof of that is there are at least Two Parties in our own party. And now, we must leave it here because this discussion is too pointless even for us.”
“But we can’t end the meeting on this note”, said AAK, “we must talk about something more substantive”. I scratched my head and came up with a sterling idea. “Let us consider what Pakistan will look like in 2040. I predict that important Pakistani areas will be renamed according to the wishes of the New Imperial Power – China. Karachi will be called Stin Ki Pu, on account of the fishy smell pervading the metropolis. Lahore will be renamed Won Ton Dum Gai on account of all the fat stupid men residing therein. Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa will have reverted back to its peaceful Gandharan past, with the Chinese actively promoting Buddhism, peace and brotherhood. The province’s new name will be No Tu Bang Bang. The great China-Pakistan Economic Corridor will be renamed Su Pah Hi Wei.”
“Captain, Chairman, Great Leader”, said SMQ, “it’s fascinating that you should mention waffle because that’s exactly what I intend to do for the next 30 minutes. But before I commence, may I ask JKT to kindly tell us what has happened in the last three and a half years since the rigged elections of 2013.”
“It gives me great satisfaction”, said JKT, “to announce that nothing has actually happened so far, Your Constantly Ecstatic Highness”. “I have to disagree with JKT, O Ye Khan of The Golden Horde, Punctilious Majesty, Most Gracious U-Turner. I think a great deal has happened and it has to do mostly with our non-performance and no-show in Parliament, Your Divine Daftness.”
I then interjected with my decisive input, “It should now be clear to all core committee members that we are true believers in the Two Party System and proof of that is there are at least Two Parties in our own party. And now, we must leave it here because this discussion is too pointless even for us.”
“But we can’t end the meeting on this note”, said AAK, “we must talk about something more substantive”. I scratched my head and came up with a sterling idea. “Let us consider what Pakistan will look like in 2040. I predict that important Pakistani areas will be renamed according to the wishes of the New Imperial Power – China. Karachi will be called Stin Ki Pu, on account of the fishy smell pervading the metropolis. Lahore will be renamed Won Ton Dum Gai on account of all the fat stupid men residing therein. Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa will have reverted back to its peaceful Gandharan past, with the Chinese actively promoting Buddhism, peace and brotherhood. The province’s new name will be No Tu Bang Bang. The great China-Pakistan Economic Corridor will be renamed Su Pah Hi Wei.”
Im the Dim