I believe it was *NSYNC who first asked the question that is on everyone’s mind these days: “What’s the deal with this pop life, and when is it gonna fade out?” The answer? Well, according to *NSYNC, this was not a trend and it wasn’t going to stop. *NSYNC knew we liked this “dirty pop” and they warned us back in 2001 - “bet you can’t stop”. Now, about fifteen years later, *NSYNC’s words hold more truth than ever. The band of beautiful boys may have been disbanded, but it’s legacy continues through figures like Donald Trump, who may publicly disregard the “car” they drive or the “ice” around their necks, but conveniently use their brazen swagger to charge their charisma and power through the minds of the scared, needy or broke.
This is my analysis of the 2016 US Presidential Election - it’s dirty pop. I mean, did you read that story about how Trump is able to channel secret service (aka taxpayer) money into his own companies because he owns, like, everything that he may need to run his campaign? Ugh! What baffles me most about Trump is how he can be so sexist, racist, bigoted and privileged with so much in-your-face self-righteous confidence. He’s basically giving a voice to all those terrified rednecks the world worked so hard to shut up for so many years (someone really needs to b***hslap him). Seriously though, the guy who flushes the toilet of his private jet with a 24-Karat gold plated push button is a potential candidate for the American presidency. That just really goes to show how far pop-tactics like letting Jimmy Fallon rough up your hair will take you in this world.
Grandpa Churri's route to taking over the world - chicken nuggets
It was Sunday morning at the Churri household and everyone was working hard to set up the special lunch Grandpa Churri was hosting in the drawing room. You see, Grandpa Churri was involved in local politics in his village, and he had called a special meeting of close friends and colleagues to discuss the agenda for the next local election. This meant that five men with long messy beards would be walking into the Churri household wearing crisp white shalwar kameez and a knack for silent judgment around their necks. Consequently, all the larkas in the house were instructed to put on clean clothes and the cook was ordered to make his special nihari for the occasion. Even Mona Churri was asked to take out her best china for the serving of tea later in the afternoon - and even though she hated the thought of grisly village folk sipping on her precious teacups, she had to oblige.
I was barely awake that morning when Grandpa Churri called me.
“Beta, as you know, I am hosting a very important lunch today and I need your help with something.”
“Yes, of course Abu, what would you like me to do?”
“Can you please order about three dozen chicken nuggets?”
Pause.
“Like from McDonalds, Abu?”
“Yes, beta. You see, if I’m going to convince a bunch of stubborn old men that it’s okay to do what they want to do even though it may garner…some disapproval, I have to show them the good life. Oh, and these men love McDonalds.”
Hillary Clinton has found it hard to inspire the imagination of some progressives - in the US and the rest of the world
***
Let’s talk about Hilary Clinton for a second. Did you see her latest ad where she basically destroys Trump by pairing his sexist comments about women with images of young “ethnically diverse” girls staring at the mirror in doubt? Honestly, I didn’t think she had it in her. Kudos to Clinton for finally getting on that dirty pop train! Oh, and her appearance on Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis? Now, the Internet may be raving about it (and it should because we need to do everything we can to stop the monstrosity that is Trump), but we all sort of know that Clinton isn’t the most charming personality. She’s just not good at deadpan comedy - or any sort of comedy really. You know, I love Hilary, but she fails to excite me. Anyway, whatever may come of this completely poptastic presidential race, one thing is for sure: Trump supporters will definitely be voting with more vigour and passion than Hilary voters, but Hilary voters will definitely have their hearts more painfully broken if Trump were to win. Let’s just hope (fingers crossed super tight) that the fear of a broken heart can drive the Democratic camp to pump up the pop, just like the fear of Muslims has pumped up the Republican dirt.
You know, I love Hilary, but she fails to excite me
***
“Hmm…” Mian Sahib groaned, taking a bite from his chicken nugget. “These nuggets are delicious”.
“Are they from McDonalds?” Mian Sahib 2 inquired.
“You know, OPTP has good nuggets I heard,” Mian Sahib 3 added.
“I think we should try and get McDonalds to open a branch at the village”, Mian Sahib 4 suggested, grabbing six nuggets and putting them on his plate. “That will surely put us on the map and get the people on board.”
