As I enter my late (late) twenties (make it stop, make it stop), I’ve been having this constant feeling of apprehension about my future that just won’t go away. And yes, I worry about my career and marriage, but there is something much greater that keeps me up at night - will I ever get laid in this decade? Don’t get me wrong: there are a ton of men who would kill to lay with me (obviously) and I want to just go for it…but I can’t seem to do it. Why? I don’t know. I guess all those years of thinking it was the biggest deal ever have take their toll on me, and now my psyche just rejects the idea of a casual interaction. Guys, I need to find a stable serious relationship ASAP. Ugh!
You know, I’m not the only one who suffers from this disorder. Like, I recently read an article in The Independent that said that approximately half of Japan’s young adults, both male and female, are virgins. That made me feel better for a while…but then I realised that most of friends had moved on to their first divorces and I was yet to find a single steady relationship, let alone a marriage. There was just one thing left to do. I had to get to the root of problem and I couldn’t just rely on secondary data to complete my analysis. So, using a technique called snowball sampling, I took to the streets and asked some friends what they believed was the number one reason why they couldn’t seem to maintain a healthy committed relationship.
Average age for young people losing their virginity - worldwide
In this world of Rajputs, Jutts, Butts, Sheikhs, Memons and Arains, there just isn't enough room for love
***
“Hey Zara,” Anam chirped. “I’m just going to go downstairs and talk to my mom for a second. Zainub will keep you company.”
“Sure” I replied, turning my gaze towards Zainub, who seemed to be overjoyed at the opportunity to hang out with her big sister’s best friend. “So, Zainub, what colleges are you thinking of applying to?”
“Zara Didi, I have a more important question…you know, Anam is so proper. I can’t talk to her about anything. But you’ve lived abroad and you’ve seen the world so I was hoping you wouldn’t tell her…”
“Okay, sure” I replied, preparing myself for a conversation about minor boy troubles.
“I’m thinking about losing my virginity…actually it’s just that I love my boyfriend and we probably won’t see each other once we go to college and I really want to have no regrets, you know? You get it right? I mean, come on, we all know you’re super liberal. How old were you when you lost yours?”
Zainub rambled on and for a second, I couldn’t even believe it. She couldn’t have been older than eighteen. And I was in my late (late) twenties.
“Uh…you know how it goes,” I responded, quickly gaining composure. “Age is just a stupid number but I guess you could say I’m not the most modest of the bunch!” I pretended to joke. “Anyway, I can tell you from experience, go with your gut. It’s totally not a big deal.”
“I knew you’d understand,” Zainub smiled. “You’re so cool!”
Or, you could go to the author for advice...
***
During the first phase of my research, I identified the most common overarching cause of failure amongst relationships that the respondents identified i.e. parents. For some reason, most parents just don’t seem to care about genuine connection or compatibility when it comes to their children. This led me to the second phase of my research - what possible reasons could people’s parents have to deny their children such necessary joys? For one, money/status. Most of the respondents had struggled to convince their parents that the financial (and otherwise) status of their loved one (‘s family) was sufficient. Second, sect. Some respondents bemoaned the misfortune of falling in love with someone who belonged to the opposite sect. Third, caste. In this world of Rajputs, Jutts, Butts, Sheikhs, Memons and Arains, there just isn’t enough room for mutual love. So, the next time to feel like you’re about to hit it off with someone, make sure you ask them about their finances, sect, and caste, or you might just end up like me - living a lie just so that you can appear to be as cosmopolitan, liberal and free as you wish to be.
***
“I fell in love once” Madam Faiza said, pulling a joint out from under the pillow on her bed, where she lay with her back against the headboard and her feet up on the mattress. “Leaving him was the most traumatic experience of my life. I never felt alive after,” she paused, taking a slow thoughtful drag. “He hadn’t had his chicken pox.” Pause. “My parents would never let me marry a man who hadn’t had his chicken pox…it could potentially be fatal if he caught it from his kids at that age,” she paused again, this time for longer. “I guess they loved me so much that they couldn’t risk me being a widow.”
