Last month Janoo got an email from an old friend. An Indian. Woman. Also an Oxen, from Oxford like Janoo. She was in some college of a Lady called Margaret where she learnt English and came first. Now she’s an ustaani in Cambridge at a college called Clear. (Must be giving A-levels ki tuitions only.) If I had a bore friend like her, I would’ve dropped her fatafut but Janoo being bore himself, was excited that she was coming to Lahore and wanted to look him out.
‘Can we have her over for dinner on Monday?’ he asked. Being kind hearted, soft headed soul that I am I agreed even though I knew it would be so bore.
I didn’t bother to change because I thought ub ustaani kay liye kya dress up karna? So when she entered I tau was slummed. She had steal grey hair as I’d predicated but cut stylishly, and she was wearing sari in slinky grip and sleeveless blouse and her arms were all firm-firm and she had scarlet lipstick and stiletto sandals. I mean, what a fraud, no?
I wanted to rush in and change into my brand new designer outfit with the lace ki cigarette pants. Her name was Sharmila but Janoo called her Milly. Cheapster jaisa. I wanted to tell her there’s a shop in Liberty Market called Milli Chappal House. Vaisay gupshup was very bore. I asked her what she did and she said she was a Director of Studies. ‘Haw you’re Director? Which company?’ Now if she’s also a businessman, I thought, then tau I’ll die. ‘Oh no,’ she laughed fakely. ‘Director of Studies, meaning head of the department at my college.’ Thanks God. ‘Oh okay, teacher only. What you’re teaching?’ ‘English. My speciality is the Brontes.’ ‘Oh yes, Jane Ear only,’ I said casually. ‘I’m knowing her very well. I saw her two three times on TV. And that Mr Dorchester. Hai so handsome. But so unlucky na to have that crack wife upstairs. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll see about dinner.’ And I got up and storked out. Showed her how parha likha I am.…
‘Can we have her over for dinner on Monday?’ he asked. Being kind hearted, soft headed soul that I am I agreed even though I knew it would be so bore.
I didn’t bother to change because I thought ub ustaani kay liye kya dress up karna? So when she entered I tau was slummed. She had steal grey hair as I’d predicated but cut stylishly, and she was wearing sari in slinky grip and sleeveless blouse and her arms were all firm-firm and she had scarlet lipstick and stiletto sandals. I mean, what a fraud, no?
I wanted to rush in and change into my brand new designer outfit with the lace ki cigarette pants. Her name was Sharmila but Janoo called her Milly. Cheapster jaisa. I wanted to tell her there’s a shop in Liberty Market called Milli Chappal House. Vaisay gupshup was very bore. I asked her what she did and she said she was a Director of Studies. ‘Haw you’re Director? Which company?’ Now if she’s also a businessman, I thought, then tau I’ll die. ‘Oh no,’ she laughed fakely. ‘Director of Studies, meaning head of the department at my college.’ Thanks God. ‘Oh okay, teacher only. What you’re teaching?’ ‘English. My speciality is the Brontes.’ ‘Oh yes, Jane Ear only,’ I said casually. ‘I’m knowing her very well. I saw her two three times on TV. And that Mr Dorchester. Hai so handsome. But so unlucky na to have that crack wife upstairs. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll see about dinner.’ And I got up and storked out. Showed her how parha likha I am.…