You may have noticed that I’m sort of taking it easy these days. Too much high-octane living is bad for the brain cell. It’s lovely to be lounging in front of the log fire in my Bani Gala palace, just me, myself and I.
I was so proud of myself – finished a jigsaw puzzle in 20 days. It said 4-5 years. Then I went up to Nathiagali for the weekend. Was strolling along the Pipeline Walk when I spotted a grizzly. It made straight for me. Terrified, I kept up a measured pace, hoping he’d go away. Just then the phone rang. It was my driver. “Can’t talk. Walking across a mountain. Bear with me.”
Now that General Raheel Sharif has decided to retire on time, I’ve lost interest in Pakistani politics. I’m now keeping an eye on the international scenario. I read a headline somewhere, “Saudis Occupy Yemeni Town”. God, I thought, isn’t occupying Knightsbridge, Kensington and Chelsea enough? And then I scanned the papers for my all-time favourite hero in politics, Berlusconi, but couldn’t find him anywhere. He seems to have disappeared following that mishap with the 18 year-old model. Apparently, they found his DNA at the crime scene. I wonder how it ended up there. Must’ve fallen out of his pocket.
My international reverie was interrupted by a group of do-gooders from Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa. Of all the unsexy things in the world, I have to end up having to govern that hellhole. Sigh. Anyway, the good Samaritans wanted to change the universities’ curriculum. Why, I asked. To make it more sophisticated and in line with international standard education. Okayyyy, I said, do remember to add fontum quizzics.
Then I had another set of do-gooders coming over, but this time not of the seculiar variety. These were undercover Taliban, my ex-best friends. I nearly jumped out of my skin. You’re so out of date, I whispered, please leave. The father had brought his family album; he said he just wanted to show it to me. I grit my teeth and said okay. “This is my youngest, Mullah Kaleemullah, he’ll be martyring in the spring”. “Aaah” I said, “they blow up so fast, don’t they?”
I was so proud of myself – finished a jigsaw puzzle in 20 days. It said 4-5 years. Then I went up to Nathiagali for the weekend. Was strolling along the Pipeline Walk when I spotted a grizzly. It made straight for me. Terrified, I kept up a measured pace, hoping he’d go away. Just then the phone rang. It was my driver. “Can’t talk. Walking across a mountain. Bear with me.”
Now that General Raheel Sharif has decided to retire on time, I’ve lost interest in Pakistani politics. I’m now keeping an eye on the international scenario. I read a headline somewhere, “Saudis Occupy Yemeni Town”. God, I thought, isn’t occupying Knightsbridge, Kensington and Chelsea enough? And then I scanned the papers for my all-time favourite hero in politics, Berlusconi, but couldn’t find him anywhere. He seems to have disappeared following that mishap with the 18 year-old model. Apparently, they found his DNA at the crime scene. I wonder how it ended up there. Must’ve fallen out of his pocket.
My international reverie was interrupted by a group of do-gooders from Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa. Of all the unsexy things in the world, I have to end up having to govern that hellhole. Sigh. Anyway, the good Samaritans wanted to change the universities’ curriculum. Why, I asked. To make it more sophisticated and in line with international standard education. Okayyyy, I said, do remember to add fontum quizzics.
Then I had another set of do-gooders coming over, but this time not of the seculiar variety. These were undercover Taliban, my ex-best friends. I nearly jumped out of my skin. You’re so out of date, I whispered, please leave. The father had brought his family album; he said he just wanted to show it to me. I grit my teeth and said okay. “This is my youngest, Mullah Kaleemullah, he’ll be martyring in the spring”. “Aaah” I said, “they blow up so fast, don’t they?”
Im the Dim