I’m sorry but I simply don’t understand what the fuss is all about. So, okay, the Judicial Commission rubbished my claim that Election 2013 had been stolen from me but it’s not the first nor last time I’ve done something stupid. Everyone has a right to be stupid. It’s just that some people abuse the privilege. Like when I was at Oxford, there was this machine they’d just invented with a bright red button and a slot for money. It said: “Test Your Stupidity. Insert £ 10”. Guess who tried it and came up trumps!
Anyway, I’ve recently got a smart phone to make up for my stupidity. I’ve also become internet savvy. I was pressing some buttons on the internet the other day and I said to the wife, “isn’t the internet great?” and she said, “don’t be stupid, that’s the microwave”. Talking of microwaves, I told her in no uncertain terms that I eat only organic, free range or wild meat. She said isn’t there anything else that’s adjective free?
I also make sure my sons eat healthy when they’re here, and at night I tell them bedtime stories. I make sure the stories have a familiar ring to them: “Once upon a time there was a prince who dithered for many years until he married a noblewoman half his age and they lived unhappily ever after until they got divorced and she died in a suspicious car crash whereupon he married the woman he’d been having an affair with all along”. Sadly, they’ve been infected by some horrible liberal ideas. They think the British monarchy is an irrelevant anachronism which is of no use to anyone. “That’s absurd”, I admonished them, “where would the tabloid press be without the Royals?”
No sooner had the boys left for England that my financier and I jetted off to a secret locale where we bought ourselves a whole lot of Artificial Intelligence, to make up for our collective stupidity. We’ve now discovered that global warming is a myth, evolution is an unproven theory and the universe is made up of electrons, neurons, protons and morons.
Anyway, I’ve recently got a smart phone to make up for my stupidity. I’ve also become internet savvy. I was pressing some buttons on the internet the other day and I said to the wife, “isn’t the internet great?” and she said, “don’t be stupid, that’s the microwave”. Talking of microwaves, I told her in no uncertain terms that I eat only organic, free range or wild meat. She said isn’t there anything else that’s adjective free?
I also make sure my sons eat healthy when they’re here, and at night I tell them bedtime stories. I make sure the stories have a familiar ring to them: “Once upon a time there was a prince who dithered for many years until he married a noblewoman half his age and they lived unhappily ever after until they got divorced and she died in a suspicious car crash whereupon he married the woman he’d been having an affair with all along”. Sadly, they’ve been infected by some horrible liberal ideas. They think the British monarchy is an irrelevant anachronism which is of no use to anyone. “That’s absurd”, I admonished them, “where would the tabloid press be without the Royals?”
No sooner had the boys left for England that my financier and I jetted off to a secret locale where we bought ourselves a whole lot of Artificial Intelligence, to make up for our collective stupidity. We’ve now discovered that global warming is a myth, evolution is an unproven theory and the universe is made up of electrons, neurons, protons and morons.
IK