Just can’t think of anything to say this week. If I could’ve thought of something, I’d have said it long ago. In fact, if I could’ve thought, I would’ve thought of many things long ago. The wife offered to help by getting me books. “Can I please have an uncyclopedia – a content-free encyclopedia?”
She didn’t like that, but said she’d ask me some questions to jog my mind, or what passes for it. “When you become prime minister, what will you do to increase the defence budget?” she asked first off. “Umm, er, ah” I started, then hit on a brilliant idea, “I’ll get product endorsements and plaster them on the military’s tanks, armoured personnel carriers, trucks and F-16s, like McDonalds, Coke, Pepsi, Sufi Soap, Rose Petal, Royal Fan, Samsung and Ponds Whitening Cream”. “There you go! What a brilliant idea”, she said.
Second question: “Would you like to have another child?” Oh oh, I thought, is this a trick question? “Why not?” I replied, “I’d love a baby girl”. “And what would you like to name her?” she asked. “Sara” I said. “That name’s taken”. “Okay, how about Sara_14?” “That should be fine”, she said.
What a relief, to feel that my mind was as acute and sharp as ever.
Nicely relaxed, I made for the bedroom to catch some shut eye. But once again I was frazzled into wakefulness by the sight of a list placed strategically next to my teddy bear. It was a list of Viagra supplements.
Talkra: revives flagging interest in what she has to say.
Anniversra: rekindles a passionate drive to remember birthdays and anniversaries.
Respectra: reawakens a throbbing, pounding desire to think of her as a human being.
Flattera: stimulates the urge to give compliments.
Head in hands, I went back to the wife. “My mind’s in a spin again. I need a few more questions to stimulate the old cells”. “What’s the name of the world’s largest snake?” “Monty Python,” I replied. “Excellent”, she said. “And what on the television tonight?” “Same as always,” I replied, “that vase of flowers.”
Pass
She didn’t like that, but said she’d ask me some questions to jog my mind, or what passes for it. “When you become prime minister, what will you do to increase the defence budget?” she asked first off. “Umm, er, ah” I started, then hit on a brilliant idea, “I’ll get product endorsements and plaster them on the military’s tanks, armoured personnel carriers, trucks and F-16s, like McDonalds, Coke, Pepsi, Sufi Soap, Rose Petal, Royal Fan, Samsung and Ponds Whitening Cream”. “There you go! What a brilliant idea”, she said.
Second question: “Would you like to have another child?” Oh oh, I thought, is this a trick question? “Why not?” I replied, “I’d love a baby girl”. “And what would you like to name her?” she asked. “Sara” I said. “That name’s taken”. “Okay, how about Sara_14?” “That should be fine”, she said.
What a relief, to feel that my mind was as acute and sharp as ever.
Nicely relaxed, I made for the bedroom to catch some shut eye. But once again I was frazzled into wakefulness by the sight of a list placed strategically next to my teddy bear. It was a list of Viagra supplements.
Talkra: revives flagging interest in what she has to say.
Anniversra: rekindles a passionate drive to remember birthdays and anniversaries.
Respectra: reawakens a throbbing, pounding desire to think of her as a human being.
Flattera: stimulates the urge to give compliments.
Head in hands, I went back to the wife. “My mind’s in a spin again. I need a few more questions to stimulate the old cells”. “What’s the name of the world’s largest snake?” “Monty Python,” I replied. “Excellent”, she said. “And what on the television tonight?” “Same as always,” I replied, “that vase of flowers.”
Pass
Im the Dim