Like the Mac and Scarlett Johansson, I am turning 30 this year. Indeed, there are now 30 days left until I turn 30, a terrifying rite of passage that I am sure will leave me confused and noticeably scarred. It’s a bit of a shock to be so close to an age that seemed so very, very far away. In my mind I’m younger than a spring chicken reared on stem cells. I mean, I remember my high school experience so clearly that it could have happened yesterday (but traumas can have an indelible affect on the mind). At that age, the “thirtysomethings” seemed old to me. Like, old old. They were teachers, parents, politicians – in short people who had inevitably and irremediably become themselves and squirreled away the answers to Life’s questions.
Now I know that’s totally untrue. Everyone in Life is just winging it, and those who say they aren’t are either optimistic or delusional or paid to say untruthful things. The following, however, are some of the things that my three decades of winging it on this planet have taught me.
30) Success is perspectival
Don’t compare yourself to what other people did by the time they were 30. Given that Malala won a Nobel before she turned 18, it’s not even worth it. You can describe anyone’s rise to power as if it happened overnight. It never does.
29) Sleep is good
Staying up until 5 am and starting work at 8 am is no longer something your face will hide gracefully.
28) You look great
Even if you think you don’t, you do. You’ll only notice this in five years when you see old pictures, so you may as well enjoy it now. You’re younger now than you’ll ever be again. Which matters because…
28) Gravity exists
And she ain’t on your side anymore. It’s OK. It only means you have to…
27) Work out
It’s the only thing that will make you feel healthier, and the kindest thing you can do for your body. Remember: baby fat at thirty is just fat.
26) Your metabolism called; it wants a divorce
Eating what you want when you want is a superpower you’ll only have for another two years, that is if you had it at all (I never did). I’ve always expected a third nipple to pop out spontaneously but hey, at least now my peers do too.
25) Happiness is something you choose
It took me a long time to realize this, and even now I haven’t fully internalized the lesson, but it’s the truest thing I’ve learned in my life. Circumstance doesn’t make you happy. You make you happy. So be happy.
24) Saturn sucks
The Saturn transit of anyone’s 29th year is usually life changing, and not necessarily in a bad way. Watch out for it. Which is another way of saying…
23) Change is good
And also rather inevitable. I’ve found the easier you adapt to it the quicker it works out in your favor.
22) Say no to Negativity
Cut out negative people/situations that give you stress, no matter who or what they are. By this age you know what you like and what you don’t. Toxicity can have real affects on your health and wellness. Protect yourself.
21) Be independent
Always. Being dependent on someone, anyone, other than yourself for either your happiness or sense of self is a recipe for a bad life.
20) Move out
To all the desis still living with your parents: move out, even if only for a couple of months. It gives you a sense of self that you will not find at home and forces you to not act like a 12-year old most of the time.
19) Move on
You’ve had your share of traumas. Some have probably stayed with you, becoming wounds that fester, but the last three decades went by real quick. Who knows how quickly the next three will go? Let go of the baggage. It’s just not worth it.
18) Some people hate you
And that’s ok. Popularity is overrated and frequently annoying. It doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It just means… frankly, nothing. Mainly because….
17) Some people love you
They know your dark secrets and have seen your ugly heart and yet they still care about you. (Awww, hug.)
16) Pity the heartless
For they probably loved too much once. Don’t let that happen to you. It’s awful to be vulnerable and hurt. Like, really bad all around. Unfortunately it’s also the only way you can grow.
15) Health is no longer just a word
It’s the only thing between you and the grave. If you’re 30, you probably know someone your age who has died, perhaps someone who was close to you. Most of the young die because of accidents rather than health issues. That changes after 30. If you don’t believe me, watch Grey’s Anatomy.
14) Guard your time
It’s yours, no one else’s. If you don’t fight to manage it, no one else will.
13) Have a plan
It doesn’t have to be a massive plan, just something to anchor you. A goal, an aspiration, no matter how unbelievable, it’s what keeps us all going. I’ve found being conscious of mine helps me. Otherwise you live from month to month and one day you look up and you’ve aged a decade but didn’t even know it. If this happens you most likely need to…
12) Get therapy
The mind is a muscle like everything else. Get therapy not because you are ill, but because everyone should know the working of their mind. It’s just smart.
11) Be happy in your job
I am. It’s the one thing that brings me joy. Every day. Maybe not all day, but every day. If you don’t want to be a doctor, even at 30, then don’t. Fact is you can fail at anything, but you can also succeed at anything. Why not do something you love?
10) Relationships are work
This is the same for lovers and friends and family. Never assume they will continue just because they exist. You have to work to keep it touch with people, and work to maintain their place in your live your in theirs. Conversely…
9) Bad relationships are not worth it
Any kind. If someone makes you feel bad, or is a toxic influence in your life, you have a choice to let them in or not. And it’s never too late to make it.
8) Your 20s are over
Thank god. They were awful, stress-inducing exercises in self-punishment. (And no, you didn’t have as much sex as everyone thought you were having.)
7) You will be wrong
That’s ok. Everybody is. Always.
6) Dance
I know the steps to the last bit of ‘Dirty Dancing’ and not a day goes by when I don’t use them.
5) Be creative
Investment banker or sculptor, it doesn’t matter. Express yourself. You honestly never know what’ll come out of it. You don’t have to show anyone if you don’t want to.
4) Because it’s Life
Sometimes things just don’t work out, even though you know with every fiber of your being that they should have. Your impulse will be to blame. Don’t. Sh*t happens.
3) Do something
If you want something, know that you have to do something to get it. Things rarely fall into your lap, and if they do they usually bruise your balls.
2) Nobody can treat you like a child unless you act like one
And so what’s the last and most important thing I’ve learned about turning 30?
1) You’re not 40. Yet.
Write to thekantawala@gmail.com and follow @fkantawala
Now I know that’s totally untrue. Everyone in Life is just winging it, and those who say they aren’t are either optimistic or delusional or paid to say untruthful things. The following, however, are some of the things that my three decades of winging it on this planet have taught me.
30) Success is perspectival
Don’t compare yourself to what other people did by the time they were 30. Given that Malala won a Nobel before she turned 18, it’s not even worth it. You can describe anyone’s rise to power as if it happened overnight. It never does.
29) Sleep is good
Staying up until 5 am and starting work at 8 am is no longer something your face will hide gracefully.
28) You look great
Even if you think you don’t, you do. You’ll only notice this in five years when you see old pictures, so you may as well enjoy it now. You’re younger now than you’ll ever be again. Which matters because…
28) Gravity exists
And she ain’t on your side anymore. It’s OK. It only means you have to…
27) Work out
It’s the only thing that will make you feel healthier, and the kindest thing you can do for your body. Remember: baby fat at thirty is just fat.
26) Your metabolism called; it wants a divorce
Eating what you want when you want is a superpower you’ll only have for another two years, that is if you had it at all (I never did). I’ve always expected a third nipple to pop out spontaneously but hey, at least now my peers do too.
25) Happiness is something you choose
It took me a long time to realize this, and even now I haven’t fully internalized the lesson, but it’s the truest thing I’ve learned in my life. Circumstance doesn’t make you happy. You make you happy. So be happy.
24) Saturn sucks
The Saturn transit of anyone’s 29th year is usually life changing, and not necessarily in a bad way. Watch out for it. Which is another way of saying…
23) Change is good
And also rather inevitable. I’ve found the easier you adapt to it the quicker it works out in your favor.
22) Say no to Negativity
Cut out negative people/situations that give you stress, no matter who or what they are. By this age you know what you like and what you don’t. Toxicity can have real affects on your health and wellness. Protect yourself.
21) Be independent
Always. Being dependent on someone, anyone, other than yourself for either your happiness or sense of self is a recipe for a bad life.
20) Move out
To all the desis still living with your parents: move out, even if only for a couple of months. It gives you a sense of self that you will not find at home and forces you to not act like a 12-year old most of the time.
19) Move on
You’ve had your share of traumas. Some have probably stayed with you, becoming wounds that fester, but the last three decades went by real quick. Who knows how quickly the next three will go? Let go of the baggage. It’s just not worth it.
18) Some people hate you
And that’s ok. Popularity is overrated and frequently annoying. It doesn’t mean you are unlovable. It just means… frankly, nothing. Mainly because….
17) Some people love you
They know your dark secrets and have seen your ugly heart and yet they still care about you. (Awww, hug.)
16) Pity the heartless
For they probably loved too much once. Don’t let that happen to you. It’s awful to be vulnerable and hurt. Like, really bad all around. Unfortunately it’s also the only way you can grow.
15) Health is no longer just a word
It’s the only thing between you and the grave. If you’re 30, you probably know someone your age who has died, perhaps someone who was close to you. Most of the young die because of accidents rather than health issues. That changes after 30. If you don’t believe me, watch Grey’s Anatomy.
14) Guard your time
It’s yours, no one else’s. If you don’t fight to manage it, no one else will.
13) Have a plan
It doesn’t have to be a massive plan, just something to anchor you. A goal, an aspiration, no matter how unbelievable, it’s what keeps us all going. I’ve found being conscious of mine helps me. Otherwise you live from month to month and one day you look up and you’ve aged a decade but didn’t even know it. If this happens you most likely need to…
12) Get therapy
The mind is a muscle like everything else. Get therapy not because you are ill, but because everyone should know the working of their mind. It’s just smart.
11) Be happy in your job
I am. It’s the one thing that brings me joy. Every day. Maybe not all day, but every day. If you don’t want to be a doctor, even at 30, then don’t. Fact is you can fail at anything, but you can also succeed at anything. Why not do something you love?
10) Relationships are work
This is the same for lovers and friends and family. Never assume they will continue just because they exist. You have to work to keep it touch with people, and work to maintain their place in your live your in theirs. Conversely…
9) Bad relationships are not worth it
Any kind. If someone makes you feel bad, or is a toxic influence in your life, you have a choice to let them in or not. And it’s never too late to make it.
8) Your 20s are over
Thank god. They were awful, stress-inducing exercises in self-punishment. (And no, you didn’t have as much sex as everyone thought you were having.)
7) You will be wrong
That’s ok. Everybody is. Always.
6) Dance
I know the steps to the last bit of ‘Dirty Dancing’ and not a day goes by when I don’t use them.
5) Be creative
Investment banker or sculptor, it doesn’t matter. Express yourself. You honestly never know what’ll come out of it. You don’t have to show anyone if you don’t want to.
4) Because it’s Life
Sometimes things just don’t work out, even though you know with every fiber of your being that they should have. Your impulse will be to blame. Don’t. Sh*t happens.
3) Do something
If you want something, know that you have to do something to get it. Things rarely fall into your lap, and if they do they usually bruise your balls.
2) Nobody can treat you like a child unless you act like one
And so what’s the last and most important thing I’ve learned about turning 30?
1) You’re not 40. Yet.
Write to thekantawala@gmail.com and follow @fkantawala