When I retired and embraced a life of sloth, I knew I would use my time and my family’s money well. I would move from Delhi to my hometown Madras, occupy a wing of our ancestral home, renovate it to give it a writerly feel – tribal paintings, antique wooden furniture and wooden floors are important for a writer to feel writerly – and supply it with the basic necessities of a writerly life, such as a new laptop, a high-speed internet connection, and a 46-inch Sony Bravia television for when my mind needs a break from spinning stories. The fact that there is no other writer in the family to call me out on this bullshit helped. You break down a few times, walk around sulking, say convincingly, “I’m so stressed”, occasionally skip about laughing like a 1960s movie heroine on crack and that’s it – people begin to whisper that you have your “moods”, and your churlishness is elevated to the eccentricity of genius.
First, I needed to “detox”, to get over my seven-year career of asking random people random questions. My brother introduced me to House, M.D. Over two months, when my phone bills were paid by a fortnightly column and my other bills were paid by my family, I caught up with seven seasons, and began to watch the eighth as it was broadcast. Then, someone asked me to watch the three-season old Modern Family. And then, there was The Mentalist, with four seasons done at the time. In the meanwhile, How I Met Your Mother was claiming more years of my life, until it finally ended in a giant FML. I mean, even Kuch Kuch Hota Hai only took four hours (and fewer without its twenty songs). I wanted to shake a finger at my laptop and scream, “I want the last nine years back!”
[quote]Everyone watched Desperate Housewives and patted themselves on the back for not settling in America[/quote]
Remember when the only must-watch television sitcoms were Friends and Seinfeld? You could catch occasional episodes of Frasier, The King of Queens, Dharma and Greg, and Will and Grace. The bored watched Cheers and Doogie Howser. Some watched Third Rock from the Sun. Girls who had been through breakups watched Sex and the City, and felt better about their lives – it really doesn’t get sadder than four women in their thirties meeting over breakfast to discuss designer shoes and casual sex. Everyone watched Desperate Housewives and patted themselves on the back for not settling in America. Apparently, you get divorced and your only option is sleeping with the help – plumber, gardener, masseuse, pharmacist, you name it – or shooting yourself in the head. (Wait, was Mary Alice Young divorced?)
But then, Netflix and Torrentz, with their dislike of dictionary spelling, and their cornucopia of every series ever conceived, entered our lives. Suddenly, you had to watch everything. I had to catch up with That ’70s Show, Prison Break, and Two and a Half Men. Then, I had to start with Big Bang Theory. And how the hell had I missed out on Mad Men all these years?
When I was finally through, one of my closest friends told me she was addicted to Suits. Jesus. Now, I had three seasons of that to get through. Of course, one can’t miss House of Cards. And then, someone came up with, “If you liked House of Cards, you’ll definitely love Homeland.”
Actually, I don’t. It makes me feel even less tempted to go to America, and it irritates me because the flow of the plot hinges entirely on coincidence, and the driver of the story is usually a character who happens to call Sergeant Nicholas Brody at the right time, to enable him to avert some damage or do some damage.
[quote]One of my cousins is upset with me because I don't watch The Tudors[/quote]
For all this, I haven’t yet started on 24, which I’ve been wanting to watch just so I can mock Anil Kapoor. And I can’t have a conversation on Facebook, because I don’t get the Game of Thrones references. Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t watch Downton Abbey or Entourage? And how did I miss Lost? One of my cousins is upset with me because I don’t watch The Tudors, and can’t bond over the hotness of...well, some Tudor. Someone recently came out as gay, and I can’t remember either the name of the drama, or the actor. Worse, I can’t even recall the name of the character.
What have I been doing with my life since I quit my day job? How can I have spent all these years, not making time for the dramas and sitcoms that people who actually work for a living manage to incorporate into their lives?
I almost burst into tears when a friend said, “What the hell, you don’t watch Breaking Bad? Man, watch the pilot and you’ll be hooked.”
Sigh. I think longingly of the times when I used to wait for Blossom and Small Wonder and Full House.
First, I needed to “detox”, to get over my seven-year career of asking random people random questions. My brother introduced me to House, M.D. Over two months, when my phone bills were paid by a fortnightly column and my other bills were paid by my family, I caught up with seven seasons, and began to watch the eighth as it was broadcast. Then, someone asked me to watch the three-season old Modern Family. And then, there was The Mentalist, with four seasons done at the time. In the meanwhile, How I Met Your Mother was claiming more years of my life, until it finally ended in a giant FML. I mean, even Kuch Kuch Hota Hai only took four hours (and fewer without its twenty songs). I wanted to shake a finger at my laptop and scream, “I want the last nine years back!”
[quote]Everyone watched Desperate Housewives and patted themselves on the back for not settling in America[/quote]
Remember when the only must-watch television sitcoms were Friends and Seinfeld? You could catch occasional episodes of Frasier, The King of Queens, Dharma and Greg, and Will and Grace. The bored watched Cheers and Doogie Howser. Some watched Third Rock from the Sun. Girls who had been through breakups watched Sex and the City, and felt better about their lives – it really doesn’t get sadder than four women in their thirties meeting over breakfast to discuss designer shoes and casual sex. Everyone watched Desperate Housewives and patted themselves on the back for not settling in America. Apparently, you get divorced and your only option is sleeping with the help – plumber, gardener, masseuse, pharmacist, you name it – or shooting yourself in the head. (Wait, was Mary Alice Young divorced?)
But then, Netflix and Torrentz, with their dislike of dictionary spelling, and their cornucopia of every series ever conceived, entered our lives. Suddenly, you had to watch everything. I had to catch up with That ’70s Show, Prison Break, and Two and a Half Men. Then, I had to start with Big Bang Theory. And how the hell had I missed out on Mad Men all these years?
When I was finally through, one of my closest friends told me she was addicted to Suits. Jesus. Now, I had three seasons of that to get through. Of course, one can’t miss House of Cards. And then, someone came up with, “If you liked House of Cards, you’ll definitely love Homeland.”
Actually, I don’t. It makes me feel even less tempted to go to America, and it irritates me because the flow of the plot hinges entirely on coincidence, and the driver of the story is usually a character who happens to call Sergeant Nicholas Brody at the right time, to enable him to avert some damage or do some damage.
[quote]One of my cousins is upset with me because I don't watch The Tudors[/quote]
For all this, I haven’t yet started on 24, which I’ve been wanting to watch just so I can mock Anil Kapoor. And I can’t have a conversation on Facebook, because I don’t get the Game of Thrones references. Am I the only one in the world who doesn’t watch Downton Abbey or Entourage? And how did I miss Lost? One of my cousins is upset with me because I don’t watch The Tudors, and can’t bond over the hotness of...well, some Tudor. Someone recently came out as gay, and I can’t remember either the name of the drama, or the actor. Worse, I can’t even recall the name of the character.
What have I been doing with my life since I quit my day job? How can I have spent all these years, not making time for the dramas and sitcoms that people who actually work for a living manage to incorporate into their lives?
I almost burst into tears when a friend said, “What the hell, you don’t watch Breaking Bad? Man, watch the pilot and you’ll be hooked.”
Sigh. I think longingly of the times when I used to wait for Blossom and Small Wonder and Full House.