Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them

Nuggets from the Urdu press

ISI uses prostitutes to blackmail politicians


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Reported in Ummat, the prostitutes who entertain parliamentarians at the parliament lodges work for the ISI. They make their videos using hidden cameras and then the ISI blackmails them.

Chaudhry Nisar loves his voice


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Nusrat Javeed writes in Express that Interior Minister Chaudhry Nisar loves his voice. He starts talking in the parliament and goes on and on. There are powerful microphones in the building but he uses full power of his lungs.

The real simpletons


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Raja Anwar writes in Dunya that those who think Taliban are naïve simpletons living in the mountains are the real simpletons.

Politicians are ordinary people


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Maulana Fazlur Rehamn tells Ummat that politicians are ordinary people. They might have drunk or invited dancing girls in the parliament lodges.

Mukhtaran Mai is busy with her makeup 


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Daily Ausaf reports that Mukhtaran Mai’s secretary Nasim is suffering from cancer. Nasim supported Mai when nobody was with her. And now Mai has ditched her. She remains busy in her jewelry, hairstyles, and makeup.

Cleric solemnizes 12-year-old’s marriage in Australia 


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Reported in Ausaf, Australian police have arrested a Pakistani Imam for solemnizing a 12-year-old child’s nikah.

Dr Tahirul Qadri will die


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According to Ausaf, it is time for Dr Tahirul Qadri to die. He had been predicting for 30 years that he would die at 63. He is now 63.

Lawyers beat up policeman in Sargodha 


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Islam reports that lawyers in a local court of Sargodha attacked a police inspector in front of the judge, accusing him of being rude. The inspector ran away and took refuge in the reader’s room but the lawyers reached there and continue to beat him up.

Cowardly cleric beats up a eunuch 


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Sahafat reports that a cleric of Rahimyar Khan started beating a eunuch when the poor eunuch knocked his door for alms on a Thursday. Afterwards, dozens of eunuchs gathered outside his house and cursed him. They also sang and clapped. The coward cleric did not come out of the house.

Skirts are for infidels


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Stated in Khawateen Ka Islam, wearing long skirts is not allowed in Islam because skirts are the fashion of infidels. Shalwar Kameez is Islamic. Women should wear Shalwar Kameez.

Veena Malik of parliament - I


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Quoted in Jasarat, Abid Sher Ali says Jamshed Dasti is the Veena Malik of the parliament. He loves cheap publicity.

Veena Malik of parliament - II


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Nusrat Javeed writes in Express that Jamshed Dasti is a desi Robin Hood. He has learnt the secret that solo flight has its own benefits. He makes up spicy stories and makes others feel his presence. Very soon, he will outperform Veena Malik.