People say I’m single minded but I think I’m at least double minded if not triple minded because two or three brain cells are always better than one. An example of my double mindedness has to do with Musharraf. I can’t understand why he’s on the ECL. What does he have to do with the English Cricket League? If anything, I should be on the ECL. Another thing I’m double minded about is the Saudi roll – of money – which makes no sense to me. But then most things don’t. This doesn’t stop me from having my own opinions, or other peoples’ opinions, especially of the bearded variety.
I can see that the Saudis are on a “Dictator Shopping Spree”. They’ve given the government $ 1.5 billion to complete their “Collection of Ousted Dictators” – Idi Amin, Nawaz Sharif, Abdullah Saleh and now Musharraf. When it comes to my turn, I hope they’ll pay at least $ 3 billion for me.
Look at the Taliban. They’re SUCH good boys. They’ve laid down arms and stuck to the peace deal – an odd pot shot at polio workers, journalists and Shias doesn’t count. The drones have also stopped, thanks to me, because finally all the rubbish I’ve been talking has begun to make sense to everyone and not just to me.
As you know, the Prime Minister came to see me at my house in Bani Gala. In accordance with my legendary hospitality, I gave him nothing to eat or drink. It’s the PM’s fault – he could’ve brought along a hamper with patties, pastries, an iPhone, a return ticket to London, and nuts and a bunch of bananas. Despite his empty-handed arrival, I was generous and gave unstintingly of my free advice. I advised the Prime Minister never to put his elbows on the table while dining, and never to speak with his mouth full. At this point Jehangir Tareen brought a plane load of goodies to eat and we all fell silent and stuffed our faces, forgetting about the Taliban, the drones and other sundries.
Im the Dim