How to foil imperialist conspiracies
Zubair Abbasi of Jamiat Ahle Hadith tells Islam that Pakistan is a victim of imperialist conspiracies and the best solution to the problem is to convene a conference of clerics who would jointly foil those conspiracies.
The homeopathic theory of mosquitos
Haroon Rashid says in his column in Dunya that mosquitoes cannot bite a person who has eaten sweet homeopathic tablets. Nawaz Sharif can test this by giving homeopathic tablets to a ward of Lahore, and Gen Raheel Sharif can try it on a regiment of his army.
Nuclear weapons are weapons of peace
Dr AQ Khan writes in Jang that nuclear weapons are weapons of peace. If Pakistan would not have made an atomic bomb, it would have been obliterated by India.
While railway staff was sleeping
Daily Ummat reports that a one-kilometre long piece of railway track was stolen in Tando Jan Muhammad, while the railway staff was sleeping.
Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry is not Tendulkar
Writing in Nawa-e-Waqt, Ajmal Niazi says he was hurt when Justice Saqib Nisar called the outgoing chief justice the Tendulkar of the judiciary. Calling Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry Tendulkar is contempt of court. Tendulkar is a Hindu. Justice Saqib Nisar must make an unconditional apology. He also criticized Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry for using lawyers as his army, who acted like goons and beat up judges of the lower judiciary.
The prime minister’s daughter
Writing in Jang, Asadullah Ghalib says Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has given public money to his own daughter Maryam Nawaz and made her the head of his youth loan scheme. She says she won’t draw any salary. Make me the governor of State Bank and I won’t draw any salary either.
He said 98, but meant 198
Nawa-e-Waqt says in its famous column Sare Rahe that when Ishaq Dar said he would bring the dollar to Rs 98, he stammered and it sounded like Rs 198, which is the truth.
East Pakistan is still alive
Quoted in Ummat, Sheikh Rashid says India is still hatching conspiracies against Islam. Its newest conspiracy is the hanging of the Bangladesh Jamaat-e-Islami chief. The situation in Bangladesh is proof that East Pakistan is still alive and will become a part of Pakistan very soon.
Justice Chaudhry should be made election commissioner
Reported in Dunya, former election commissioner Kunwar Dilshad says retired chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry should immediately be made the chief election commissioner. He is an honest and fearless man, and Pakistan needs him.
Pilots refuse to fly without favorite breakfast
Express reports that two pilots of PIA refused to fly because they did not get the breakfast they liked. About 250 passengers waited for three hours while their favourite sandwiches were bought from a hotel in Lahore.
Nuclear program is not a grocery store
Dr AQ Khan tells Islam that Pakistan’s nuclear program is not like a grocery store (pansari ki dokan) that anyone could rob. In Pakistan, illiterate people rule over educated ones.
British Queen was a cruel mother-in-law
Nawa-e-Waqt says in its column Sare Rahe that the British Queen was like a traditional Asian mother-in-law. She tortured her daughter-in-law Lady Diana to an extent that she left the palace and died in a car accident.
The new don of Foreign Office
Saleem Safi says in Jang that Tariq Fatemi is the don of Foreign Office. He has taken all the matters in his hands. Sartaj Aziz is a gentleman (shareef insaan) – he is neither a Lahori nor a flatterer. But instead of foreign policy, Tariq Fatemi is interested in transfers of foreign office officials.